


Got Forever To Spend With Me On A Fool's Holiday

by joelkanitz



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Arguing, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Snowball Fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joelkanitz/pseuds/joelkanitz
Summary: Twenty-five days of December until Christmas, including the day itself. Matt and Jack spend them in varying fashions of stress, frustration, joy, amusement, overwhelmth, fear, and love.mibba version





	Got Forever To Spend With Me On A Fool's Holiday

**Author's Note:**

> **disclaimer:** ain’t my boys. title to fool’s holiday by all time low.
> 
> inspired by [this photo](http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt8kttDEV11r39wngo1_500.png)
> 
> This idea has been knocking around in my head since 2015 after being inspired by the photo linked above but I couldn’t seem to get the ball rolling with writing it. Literally, it’s taken me now three Christmas seasons to try and get this thing published prior to Christmas Day. And I actually finally did it, writing over 20,000 words in a standalone fic! What have I become...? God knows, but happy holidays, everyone! It would mean the world if you left me a comment, I’m actually very proud of this story. 
> 
> ** please note the roman numerals in the story depict each of the separate twenty-five days. just to avoid any confusion. **

**** I.

 

“Can we put up the decorations now?” 

 

“Jack… it’s the first of December,” Matt sighed, not even looking up from his Macbook to see his boyfriend’s pouting face. 

 

“But it’s officially the month of Christmas! It’s time!” Jack whined, dramatically flopping down on the couch beside Matt with a whumph! and jostling him, making him panic about dropping his expensive laptop for a second. Matt just glared once he was sure everything was secure again, scowling at the sight of Jack’s enormous pout, as predicted.

 

He’d been getting pestered with this since the day after Hallowe’en; the orange-and-black based pumpkin banners and various spooky fairylights and skull candles and eerie window stickers and zombie statuettes were barely stored back in the attic for two minutes before Jack attempted to clamber up the ladder and drag out the Christmas tree. Alarmed, mostly at almost being tipped off the ladder, Matt had asked him what he was doing.

 

“Getting the Christmas decorations down,” Jack had explained, as if this was perfectly normal. “Hallowe’en’s over now. Christmas is next!”

 

“We haven’t even tackled Thanksgiving yet!” Matt had exclaimed. 

 

Jack didn’t see this to be a problem. Matt, on the other hand, did. As it often was, Matt had a sensible head screwed on his shoulders and as much as he loved his boyfriend, he didn’t like to give in to this childish excitement he had over so many things. 

 

Christmas decorations in November was something Matt just wouldn’t stand for, and he’d told Jack this and ordered him away from the attic until it was actually near the holidays.

 

Apparently, the first of December was the holidays. This was news to Matt. 

 

“This isn’t fair, you know,” Jack piped up again, a nagging little annoyance in Matt’s ear stopping him from getting any decent quality of work done. “You said, you _said_ , no decorations because it’s November. It’s not November any more! It’s not fair, Matty.” 

 

“Jack, I’m busy,” Matt responded in monotone, attempting to type a sentence that made any semblance of something coherent. 

 

Jack huffed and got up from the couch, stomping out of the room and swinging the livingroom door open a bit too aggressively to make sure Matt knew he was upset. Matt knew without all the dramatics included, but one way or another, he didn’t move from the couch and continued to do his best ignoring his boyfriend’s latest tantrum. 

 

Another thing about the pair was that Matt was very laid back when it came to small things. He could be the most stressed person in the world at times, but he really took the phrase, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” seriously. Getting pissed about decorations not going up a month in advance? Not a problem Matt could even imagine being mildly bothered by. 

 

He left Jack to sulk until he’d actually finally managed to finish his work, completing the lesson plan he needed for his class next week and getting caught up with emails. Feeling satisfied and like he could actually relax, Matt got himself a beer and settled in front of the TV to watch an episode of his show. He was really into The Walking Dead lately. Jack had gotten him into it, but the thing was, Jack was way ahead in the series, so Matt was catching up. Lucky for him, Jack had the boxsets of all the previous seasons. Matt was onto season five. 

 

He got through one episode, finishing his beer in that forty-minute slot of time, and noted it was already nearing midnight. No class to teach tomorrow, fortunately, but Matt was tired from today, so he figured it was bedtime and turned off the DVD. 

 

And what should pop up but a Christmas commercial on the channel after the DVD player shut down. 

 

Matt groaned. It was just some dumb ad about the festive season and getting all the shopping done and other nonsense that Matt hated buying into, but it got to him. Why did everyone kickstart Christmas the second Hallowe’en was over? It only served to make him feel guilty about Jack’s pouting face earlier. The house had been quiet for nearly three hours. That meant Jack had probably went to carry out his sulking in bed with a movie, like he usually did. He found comfort in a favourite film and his blanket, no matter what the issue might be. Usually, Matt found it endearing, but right now, he hated it, because it made him feel even more guilty thinking of his peppy little lamb of a boyfriend using his comfort things due to something Matt did. 

 

When Matt ascended the stairs to their bedroom, however, he discovered Jack fast asleep under the duvet, snoring softly, with a DVD home screen playing over and over on the television. It was a movie Matt liked but didn’t care to watch twenty times a year like Jack so often did, so he was swift to turn it off and let the room darken into almost pitch blackness. 

 

Jack didn’t stir, not even when Matt was attempting to quietly undress himself in the dark without falling on his ass. 

 

Not even when Matt clumsily crawled onto the bed and got under the covers beside him.

 

Not even when Matt shuffled up as close as he could get to Jack’s resting body and pressed a kiss to his warm cheek, smiling at his sleeping boy in the dark. 

 

“I’ll get the decorations down tomorrow,” he whispered, and as though awake and listening, Jack let out a quiet sigh of content as he rolled over onto his back.

 

Matt did the same, and as he too got comfortable, he began to wonder just how many compromises this fool’s holiday would bring. 

  
  


Matt was awake, out of bed, and dressed at eight, long before Jack. He would be dead to the world until at least ten. 

 

But that was fine by Matt, because that meant he could get everything down from the attic and leave it in the livingroom to surprise Jack when he actually did get up. The tree, the two big boxes filled with decorations, and the seven boxes of lights they had. Jack just seemed to accumulate them because Matt had absolutely no recollection of buying any of them. 

 

No matter though. As long as Jack was happy. Matt left the boxes of everything in the centre of the floor on the rug, then he donned his thickest winter jacket and exited the house. 

 

Jack would no doubt forgive Matt completely upon seeing their decorations waiting to be put up when he awoke, but Matt still felt the need to go out and get some ass-kissing gift to make things better. That wasn’t really how Matt liked to do things, by buying Jack’s affection or attempting to buy his way out of getting the cold shoulder for being mean, but this was something he knew Jack would appreciate. 

 

Every damn year, Jack bought a handful of new decorations, whether they were for the tree (which was getting too crowded and heavy to even hold up its own branches) or ornaments to cover every surface of the house, or even more lights which Matt still had no recollection of ever seeing Jack buy no matter how hard he was trying to remember as he drove to the mall. 

 

He figured if he bought Jack a special decoration this year to make up for crushing his spirit yesterday, it would kill two birds with one stone: he’d be back in Jack’s good books and it would save Jack going into town one day with the intention of Christmas shopping and instead coming back with armfuls of decorations they did not need. 

 

Matt knew exactly what he was looking for when he got to the mall, too. He’d seen a delicate frosted glass reindeer ornament a few days before, with a crystalised finish on the antlers and hooves. It was gorgeous, as it should be for fifty fucking dollars. Matt really begrudged spending that money on an ornament that was only for Christmas, although knowing Jack, he was going to insist this one be left out all year round. 

 

It was for his boyfriend though. His stupid, delightful, quirky, Christmas-loving boyfriend. He could spare fifty dollars to make Jack happy. Matt could be a little bit of a cheapskate, always looking for ways to cut corners and save money, which was perhaps another reason he wasn’t a fan of this time of year. 

 

Nevertheless, he bought the damn deer, and made his way home with it in the same hour. Along with some groceries he’d picked up from the supermarket, and hot chocolates for himself and Jack. He had a feeling he was going to be the one cooking tonight, so he’d bought stuff for stir-fry, not that he liked to let Jack do the cooking. Jack was the kind of person who was an excellent chef when it came to a select few dishes, but everything else, he was terrible at. Jack would burn cereal given half the chance. 

 

When Matt returned, he could hear it as soon as he got out of the car.

 

Christmas music.

 

Oh God. 

 

Hesitantly, he opened up the front door and entered the house, the sound of Rockin’ Robin by Jackson Five blaring in his ears and Jack singing along like he was paid to do it. 

 

If Matt could’ve predicted this is what he would come home to, all for getting the damn decorations down, maybe he would’ve left them in the attic. He slammed the front door shut to let Jack know he was home, but the music didn’t stop. Didn’t even lower in volume, and Jack’s off-key singing continued. He was probably dancing around the livingroom. 

 

This is not what Matt wanted.

 

What Matt wanted was a blanket, and a bowl of soup. He didn’t care if it was still morning, it was bitterly cold and frosty outside, and he wanted soup. Soup to go with his hot chocolate. 

 

“Jack! Turn it down!” Matt yelled over the music, heading for the livingroom with armfuls of bags. 

 

Sure enough, just as he’d expected, Jack was dancing around the livingroom wearing his favourite red knit sweater, the one he always broke out at Christmas time, and black sweats. He’d made a start on putting up their tree, unfolding all its branches and getting the six foot fake tree propped up in front of the window. 

 

Jack’s face broke into an enormous grin when he saw Matt, clapping with glee and turning down the music to a more bearable volume. Matt was thankful -- he didn’t care to hear about all the little birdies on Jaybird Street who loved to hear the robin go tweet, tweet, tweet… honestly, he would’ve preferred if the robin just shut the hell up. 

 

“Matty Mouse! You’re the best, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!” Jack yelled, running at Matt, but the elder quickly took three large steps backwards. 

 

“Woah, woah, woah, easy, no crushing hugs, I’ve got groceries and something delicate and I’m trying to balance two hot chocolates here, don’t dare jump at me,” Matt warned in a rush, and fortunately, Jack slowed. 

 

“Let me help you with all that,” he offered instead, taking the hot chocolates and putting them down on the coffee table.

 

“Thanks, babe,” Matt smiled absently, shaking his head as Jack dragged the groceries from his arms to start putting them away. 

 

Maybe Matt didn’t fancy the music or the decorations going up too early or the cheesy Christmas ads, but he could live with it all if it made Jack so happy. Well, probably. 

 

Matt was left with one bag in his hands -- the one containing the box with Jack’s new Christmas ornament. He grinned, actually kind of excited to see his boyfriend’s reaction to it. He waited until Jack had put away all the groceries, which didn’t take long since Jack was in one of his whirlwind excitable moods, before fishing out the box and placing it on the coffee table by their hot chocolates. 

 

“Jack, come in here, I’ve got something for you,” Matt called, setting himself down on the couch and waiting for the outpour of glee that was sure to follow. 

 

“Something for me? Like what, what is it?” Jack rushed out, darting into the livingroom and throwing himself down on the couch beside Matt, jostling him yet again. 

 

“Easy, easy! It’s delicate, you have to be gentle,” Matt warned, but he quickly softened his tone as he picked up the box. “Here, it’s for you. It’s not a Christmas present or anything, but… well, I don’t know. Think of it as a pre-present if you want to.” 

 

Jack was very unceremoniously handed the plain white cardboard box, not that he minded, carefully opening it up and gasping when he discovered what was beneath the bubble wrap. 

 

“Matt, it’s beautiful!” he exclaimed, bringing the reindeer from his box home and holding him up in the light to see his crystal antlers glitter. “What’s this for?”

 

“Just for you,” Matt shrugged, slightly bashful about it. “I’m sorry I was so dismissive about putting up the decorations yesterday. I mean, it’s our third Christmas as a couple but only our first Christmas living together, so it’s just… gonna take some getting used to each other’s holiday traditions, I guess. I know you like to buy a new decoration every year, so I went out and got one for you instead.” 

 

“Matt, that’s so sweet,” Jack tilted his head fondly, leaning in to wrap his arm around Matt in a one-armed hug, still clutching the reindeer in his other hand. “You’re forgiven, but you probably knew that… it’s okay. Just gonna take some getting used to like you said.” 

 

Jack’s warm smile and his forgiving nature… two things Matt certainly loved him all the more for. 

 

“Thank-you, baby. So, where do you want to put your reindeer?” 

 

“Maybe on top of the bookcase?” Jack suggested, glancing to their luxurious antique that ran almost the full length of one wall in the livingroom. “Right in the center, with all the other Christmas ornaments either side of him. I’m gonna name him Sparkles, by the way.” 

 

“Sparkles,” Matt repeated flatly as Jack got up from his seat to place their beautiful glass deer on top of the bookcase. “Are you serious?”

 

“What? Bad angle?” Jack furrowed his brow, turning the deer to face the other way.

 

“Angle? What? No, no,” Matt shook his head, getting up to stand behind Jack. “I mean, Sparkles? You’re not only naming an inanimate object when you are aged twenty-three, but you’re calling him Sparkles, of all names?”

 

“What’s wrong with Sparkles?” Jack smiled with a little shrug, going back to get his hot chocolate off the coffee table. “It suits him.” 

 

“Sparkles?!” Matt repeated yet again, with much more emotion to his voice this time. “Could you make the gay any more obvious?!”

 

Jack laughed, clutching his warm to-go cup to his chest. “Oh, Matty, come on. Everyone knows we’re gayer than Christmas itself. Even if you try to make it the least obvious you possibly can. People _know_.” 

 

Matt glowered at his boyfriend and stalked off to the kitchen, taking his hot chocolate with him. Jack chased after, laughing and grabbing for his arm.

 

“Matt, don’t be huffy! Stay on my good side and I’ll only drag you out for a couple of hours tomorrow.” 

 

“What? Where are we going tomorrow?” Matt frowned, pausing in his quest to get soup from the cupboard. 

 

“To get our yearly new decorations, of course!” Jack laughed, nuzzling into his boyfriend’s side when he reached him and kissing at his neck, but Matt yanked away from him with wide eyes.

 

“I just fucking bought our new decoration!” he exclaimed, which only had Jack laughing again.

 

“So?! We need more lights this year anyway, and I want more stuff to put on the doors and walls and things,” Jack explained, leaning in to nudge his nose at Matt’s throat again. “You said Sparkles was a present, so we need to go get decorations together. I want more!”

 

“You sound like Ariel from The Little Mermaid,” Matt muttered in annoyance, turning away and going back to rustling through the cupboard for the soup he wanted. He wasn’t a great fan of tinned stuff but it would do for now. He couldn’t be bothered making any from scratch. 

 

“You see what I mean?! It’s saying stuff like that that shows off how fucking  _ gay  _ you are,” Jack laughed, poking at Matt’s ass just to be a pest. “You’re so pouty today.”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Matt hissed, but there was no real venom behind it. 

 

He kept up his act of ignoring Jack until he had his soup heating on the cooker, but his boyfriend continued to cuddle into him anyway, and eventually, Matt gave in. Saying no to Jack only seemed to get harder the longer they dated, and Matt didn’t even mind it too much. 

 

Jack was an angel in his own right for putting up with Matt’s grumpiness, even Matt himself knew that. 

 

“How many new decorations are you planning to waste money on this year?” Matt whined as he clung to Jack, waiting for his soup to be warm enough to eat. 

 

“Including strings of lights? Only maybe ten or twelve,” Jack shrugged, as if that was completely normal to buy that many new decorations in one go. 

 

Matt groaned. This was going to be absolute torture. But then his soup started to bubble up and he figured there was no use crying about it now. 

 

At least, not until tomorrow. 

 

III.

 

“Snow!” 

 

Jack’s scream of glee had Matt jolted awake so suddenly that he actually cracked his back jerking upright in bed. He sighed in exasperation, slumping forward with his head in his hands when he realised what the commotion was for. 

 

He’d just been woken from a peaceful slumber over a fucking change in the  _ weather _ .

 

After listening to a few more seconds of Jack dancing around in what sounded like the bathroom, clapping his hands like a demented seal and singing a terrible rendition of Let It Snow, Matt practically hissed in anger and flung the duvet off himself, swinging his legs out of bed in the most aggressive manner he could muster and stomping through to yell or whatever he felt like doing because Jack was such an idiot. 

 

“Jack, it’s a fucking Sunday and it’s not even eight in the morning yet! What the fuck are you doing?”

 

As Matt suspected, Jack was doing some kind of barefoot tap-dance around the bathroom, with a toothpaste dribble on his chin just to add to the ridiculousness. Matt decided not to point it out. 

 

“I couldn’t sleep! And I couldn’t work out why, so I decided to get up and get ready for our shopping trip early, but it looked all white so I opened up the bathroom window since I couldn’t see out the frosted glass, and snow! It’s snowing!” Jack reeled off his morning’s events in almost one breath. 

 

The sound of his voice alone was giving Matt a headache. He forgot about that fucking shopping trip. But there was a glimmer of hope. 

 

“Well, if it’s snowing that bad, I don’t think we’ll be able to get into town,” he hung his head, trying to sound glum about it. 

 

“I already checked the weather app on my phone! Says driving is still very much possible in our area, just as long as you go carefully,” Jack beamed, holding up his iPhone, clearly having this all figured out. “Shopping in the snow! There’s nothing more Christmassy, I’m so happy.” 

 

Matt had never felt more like knocking Jack’s teeth right out.

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

Matt wanted to go the fuck home. 

 

It was snowy. It was icy. It was cold. And he was shopping. Christmas shopping. Not even for gifts, to get that heap of bullshit out of the way. No, for fucking decorations they did not need. 

 

Jack had bought four new sets of Christmas lights, two packets of baubles, eight other tree decorations, a wreath for the door, and a jumbo box of assorted tinsel that was on sale. And to top it all off, a ridiculously big statuette of a reindeer stable with a little ceramic Santa and Mrs. Claus attached, feeding their reindeer with some elves, to sit on the window sill. It had a candle-holder attached to the roof of the snow-covered stables for, of course, a candle. So as soon as Jack saw that, he was gathering every Christmas edition scent of mini Yankee Candles that he could find, along with Christmas candle-holders, and then, a pillow. A fucking stitched brown cushion thing that read  **_JINGLE BELLS_ ** and had a bunch of, yep, bells attached to it. 

 

Matt was feeling a bit murderous. 

 

“We should get home! It’s getting really cold, we can get cosy and put up the decorations,” Jack announced randomly, but thankfully. 

 

It had been five goddamn hours since Matt was roused from his slumber and he was not looking forward to the decoration business. But, bright sides. At least he was going home. 

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

Putting up the decorations was something Matt would have much rather just let Jack do all by himself, but Jack insisted that it be a couples activity. 

 

It didn’t necessarily require two people, but whatever, Matt would go along with it if it meant having a (mostly) quiet life. But he still didn’t quite participate the way Jack wanted him to. Matt bustled around cleaning up after Jack and trying to fix them some dinner, half-paying attention to what Jack was saying, while the younger of the two pranced around the house singing along to one of his many Christmas albums and making their home look more like Santa’s Grotto. 

 

Honestly, Matt just wanted to get their dinner prepared and have an early night. Maybe have a soak in the bath to relax. Trailing around the mall with Jack tended to get his blood pressure rising and a bath sounded like a good way to wind down.

 

He was busy daydreaming about whether he would use his bubble bath or his lavendar bath salts while he chopped peppers for their meal, when Jack was suddenly yelling right in his ear. 

 

“Jesus, Jack!” Matt exclaimed, flinching away from him. “I could’ve cut my fucking finger off, what’s the matter?” 

 

“I’ve been talking to you for five minutes and you didn’t hear a word!” 

 

Matt glanced at him and sighed softly. “Sorry. I was somewhere else. You’ve got glitter on your face, by the way.” 

 

Jack half-heartedly rubbed his face with the sleeve of his sweater. “I know, it’s probably from the sparkles on the new snowflake decorations I bought.” 

 

“Of course it is,” Matt rolled his eyes as he moved onto cutting up mushrooms. “So what’s up? What were you talking about for five minutes that I didn’t hear a word of?” 

 

Jack pouted and moved to stand behind his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his waist and hooking his chin over Matt’s shoulder. He always did this when he was feeling needy for cuddles, typically always when Matt was busy. 

 

“I was saying I’ve hung all the indoor lights and it’s too dark to do the outdoor ones but we can do those tomorrow, and that I’ve put up all the wall hangings and door hangings and stuff, but you haven’t really been doing any of it _with_ me. You’re just watching. Or leaving me to cook.” 

 

Matt tried to keep his tone as masked as possible, not really wanting to upset Jack with how bored he was of the whole charade, but he just didn’t care very much for this time of year. “Someone has to feed us, Jack.” 

 

Fortunately Jack didn’t take offence, just laughed and kissed the back of Matt’s neck. “I know, I know, but I would just like it if you’d join in with me. That was the whole point. We bought the decorations together so I want us to put them up together. They’re the first ones we’ve gotten as a couple who live together, so it’s special. You know?” 

 

At that, Matt paused. This really was important to Jack and as much as Matthew was very, “Bah, humbug!” about it all, he wanted to make sure Jack was happy. He placed the knife down on the chopping board and twisted around in Jack’s arms to hug him properly, giving him a kiss on the forehead when he pulled away. 

 

“You’re a very sweet boy. Take a break and make dinner with me, and once we’ve eaten, I’ll help you put the last of the indoor decorations up. How does that sound?” 

 

Jack’s grin said it all, really. “That sounds perfect. I love you.” 

 

“I love you too, my little Christmas elf.” 

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

Once the pair of them head to bed that night, Matt’s definitely feeling a lot more relaxed. Putting up the remainder of the decorations with Jack had actually been kind of fun, if only to see the look on his face every time Matt helped him and every time he felt that a room looked perfect and festive to his liking. 

 

Better than that, though, was that Jack joined him in his evening bath. It hadn’t exactly been the relaxing soak in the tub that Matt had pictured, but the alternative had certainly de-stressed him nonetheless. 

 

Another day of the Christmas countdown had been conquered, and Jack was happy. 

 

Just another twenty-two to go...

 

IIII.

 

Usually, for Matt, his weekly ice-hockey meet-up was an escape from any stresses going on in his real life… but this week, Jack had tagged along. And Jack was very much a stress going on in his real life right now. 

 

It wasn’t that Matt didn’t appreciate the support. Usually, he loved it when Jack took an interest in ice-hockey, especially since he was much more of a football man. It warmed Matt’s heart when Jack came to his games, cheering him on wildly from the sidelines. 

 

But the thing is, this wasn’t a game. Just a weekly practice. It was just Matt and a group of other local people that made up their team, and their ice rink in town hosted games for them, but they put that on pause around the holidays since most participants had work and family to consider in the run-up to Christmas. 

 

The practice meet-ups continued for anyone that had time to still play though; just some fun and exercise, really. It was the only thing that Matt made total effort to always attend. He’d been playing ice-hockey for years and he didn’t intend to stop any time soon, but the thing was… it was _his_ thing. Jack could support him all he wanted, but right now… Matt really wanted to get _away_ from his boyfriend. 

 

“Didn’t you wanna make a start on your online Christmas shopping…?” Matt asked carefully as he adjusted his skates, half hoping that Jack would take the hint and go home. 

 

He didn’t. Of course. 

 

“No, I’d rather do physical Christmas shopping before I do any online stuff!” Jack replied, as cheerful as he’d been all morning. Too cheerful for Matt’s one cup of coffee to handle. It was too late to get another one now though. “Online shopping is for anything I can’t find in the stores! Besides, I wanted to come along to your game today.” 

 

“It’s not a game though,” Matt reminded him as he stood up, wobbling for just a second on the blades of his skates. “Just practice. They don’t do games in December to let people take a break for the holidays, remember? Plus, the rink does a bunch of Christmas functions… games would clash. We have a practice slot. That’s all.”

“I know, but I still wanted to see you play,” Jack shrugged, sauntering over to Matt and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He would his arms around him, careful not to lean too much in case it toppled them both. “Besides, you’re kinda sexy out on the ice. I could even sneak into the showers with you when you’re done…” 

 

Matt guffawed at the suggestion, but he couldn’t deny it piqued his interest and made Jack being here a whole lot more exciting. They’d sneaked into the private shower stalls together more than once in the past, but it was risky business. Matt supposed he wouldn’t mind the risk, though. It might help ease the annoyance he was feeling towards his boyfriend. 

 

He loved Jack, he really did. Matt just liked his space, and Jack’s cheerful Christmas attitude was… grating, at best. 

 

It did not help that Jack had done… something to Matt’s helmet. He produced it proudly from Matt’s gym bag, laughing as he did so. 

 

“Ta-da! You’re all ready for a Christmas practice session!” he announced. “I did it while you were at work today.” 

 

Matt just stared at it blankly, wondering how he hadn’t noticed this when he took his skates out. Jack had taped red and gold tinsel around the helmet several times over, and attached several Christmas stickers. A Santa Claus, a reindeer, a snowman, and a lot of snowflakes. They were all glittery. 

 

“Jack…”

 

“Don’t worry! The stickers are the easy-peel kind so they won’t ruin the helmet. So’s the tape. Pretty cool, right?”

 

“...Yeah, it’s great.” 

 

Matt had no idea how Jack didn’t cotton on to his displeasure right away -- Matt was not the most skilled of actors when he was disappointed about something. Or annoyed. Or both. He took the helmet without another word, barely nodding when Jack announced he was going to go and find a seat. 

 

It was silly but the helmet getting a makeover had just set the tone for his whole skating session. He’d had a very stressful Monday at work and it would’ve been nice to just come and spend some time on the ice with his buddies, no boyfriend attached to his hip, and blow off some steam. But apparently the universe was not smiling down on him. It was frowning, quite hard. And showering him in glitter. Although that was probably the fucking stickers. 

 

Matt was still scowling when they drove home, and Jack was oddly quiet until they were almost at the house. 

 

“Did you not want me to come today…? You didn’t look over at me once and I don’t think you’ve looked at me since we left.” 

 

His tone was soft, and gentle, obviously worried Matt was in a terrible mood… it just made him feel awful. He didn’t have the heart to tell Jack the truth. He was only trying to be supportive, after all.

 

So, he plastered on a fake smile, and reached over to pat Jack’s knee. 

 

“Of course I wanted you to come, I’m just tired, that’s all. Let’s get home and have some dinner.” 

 

Jack seemed satisfied with that, but the little white lie sat quite heavily in Matt’s stomach all through their meal.

  
  


“Should we get the blue one or the green one? Which would he like better?” 

 

Matt sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. They’d been shopping for near on four hours now, and Matt was beginning to reach his limit for it. He was tired, he was hungry, he wanted to go home and watch Game Of Thrones and go to bed. But Jack seemed to have lost any need to eat or rest -- Christmas shopping was something he loved. He had to be the only person in the universe, Matt was sure of it. 

 

“Jack, I don’t think it’s gonna matter, just pick one.”

 

“I would like your opinion!” Jack insisted, holding up the Macbook cases in each colour. John had been mentioning he needed a new one after Alex stood on the other case while he was cleaning and broke it, and Jack had taken it upon himself to replace it. “So, blue or green? His previous one was red but change is nice.” 

 

Matt actually had to squeeze his eyes shut to stop them from rolling. “Why are we getting him a new case? Why not Alex? He’s the one that broke it in the first place.” 

  
“Because I know for a fact Alex hasn’t gotten him a new one yet and I said that could be a good thing to include in our Christmas present for John, now would you just pick one?!”

 

“Fine, blue! Blue!”

 

“Finally,” Jack sighed, also beginning to get somewhat exasperated with Matt as a shopping partner. They’d gotten a good amount of things, both men weighed down with bags of stuff, so he figured they should maybe call it a day before a real argument broke out. “I’m going to go and pay for this.” 

 

“Alright,” Matt muttered in response, not moving to come with him, so Jack ended up being the one to roll his eyes as he headed for the checkout alone. 

 

It gave Matt a moment to think and truthfully, he felt a little guilty for being such a grump. Jack was just excited, and it was a good thing that they were getting their shopping done early. In just four hours, they’d both gotten everything for both their parents, one of Jack’s siblings, and for Matt’s sister, part of John and Alex’s, and made a start on presents for Matt’s grandparents. And that was all because of Jack. So maybe he should be a little more grateful for having such an eager, excited boyfriend who was actually organised around this time of year. 

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

It wasn’t until they were in the car that Matt decided to apologise, partially because he was driving and mostly had to keep his eyes on the road; he didn’t have to look at Jack’s sullen expression and feel even more guilty, even though he probably deserved it. 

 

“Hey, uh. Thank-you. For dragging me out shopping today. I know I complained the whole time, but I’m sorry about that. It’s actually really helpful. Better that we get it out of the way early on before the mad Christmas rush, right? It’ll be nicer if we’re not all stressed out in the week leading up to the day.” 

 

Jack was silent for a moment after Matt’s little speech, and for a second, Matt panicked that he’d said the wrong thing. Maybe Jack hadn’t been annoyed with him for being grumpy. Maybe he’d done something else. 

 

But then he felt Jack reach over and place a hand on the back of his neck, rubbing just a little with his fingers. It was something Matt loved; something Jack always did to him when he was sick or sad, and found a grateful smile creeping onto his face to feel Jack doing it now. 

 

“It’s okay,” Jack reassured. “I know you hate shopping. Christmas shopping even more. But it is good to get out of the way early, and we got a lot of stuff today! I can start wrapping it soon and it means we get to enjoy each other at Christmas instead of running around like headless chickens trying to get everything done.” 

 

“Yeah,” Matt nodded, glancing at Jack. “You’re right, I know you’re right. I’m just sorry I was being so harsh with you when you were just trying to do the sensible thing.” 

 

“It’s really okay, Matty. How about you make dinner when we get home and we’ll call it even?” 

 

That made Matt laugh. He didn’t really mind cooking, though, since he was already the primary chef in the relationship, so it wasn’t too much of a punishment. “Done. I’ll even empty the dishwasher all by myself.” 

 

“That’s my guy,” Jack grinned, leaning over the console to kiss Matt’s cheek.

 

VI.

 

It had gotten to that time of the month where Matt would check up on his online banking. Matt was nothing if not organised when it came to the important stuff, so naturally, he also took care of checking on Jack’s online banking. They didn’t have a joint account for anything but Jack was terrible at remembering that sort of thing -- it had become an agreement quite some time ago that Matt should just take care of it for him and save them both a lot of hassle. 

 

Particularly now that they were living together. 

 

Matt didn’t want to have to stress about getting the rent paid just because Jack had drank a whole bottle of wine at one in the morning and bought a lifetime supply of whatever late night ad his TV wanted to sell him. 

 

Having said that, though, Jack had actually become rather good at budgeting since they moved in together. Matt was pretty proud of his boyfriend. Jack had always been one for extravagant purchases for absolutely no reason so it was nice to know he was being smarter about that now. Maybe he was growing up. 

 

Or maybe Matt just jinxed himself. 

 

As soon as he logged into Jack’s account, he almost dropped his fucking laptop. 

 

Somehow, just since the start of December -- which was a mere _six days ago_ \-- Jack had spent over four hundred dollars. 

 

“What the fuck?” Matt whispered at his screen, rubbing his eyes a few times. He couldn’t believe what he was reading. “What the hell has he been buying?” 

 

Realistically, Matt knew that this wasn’t going to bankrupt them. He and Jack both had a considerable amount of money saved up by now; they’d be fine, really. But that wasn’t exactly the point.

 

Right on cue, Matt heard the front door open downstairs, and the sound of Jack’s clumsy footsteps. 

 

“Babe, I’m home!” he called out, sounding just as cheerful as he had this past week. Apparently the really heavy snow outside only pepped up his mood even more. Go figure. “Wait ‘til you see what I got today!” 

 

Matt groaned. _More_ stuff. _More_ money down the drain. It wasn’t just an annoying little niggle this time; Matt was downright pissed off about it. He slammed his laptop shut, tossing it aside on their bed and making his way down the stairs in a rush to see whatever stupid thing Jack had bought now. 

 

It wasn’t exactly a reassuring sight to see him dragging in six bags, all heaving with unknown items sure to drain _both_ their bank accounts in no time. 

 

“Look, babe! I got Alex and John this coffee machine, and--,” Jack was promptly cut off by Matt snatching one of the bags from his hands, peering inside it and then placing it back down on the floor with a sigh. Jack frowned. “...What?” 

 

“Jack…” Matt started slowly, not really sure how to go about this. He hated telling Jack off. He always looked like a kicked puppy. But he was too mad to let this one go. “I just checked your bank account, y’know, as I do. And you’ve spent fucking four hundred and sixty-three dollars _just_ since the beginning of December? You wanna tell me how that’s even fucking possible?! The only person that’s bought any food or essentials lately is me, which means all your purchases must be Christmas stuff, am I right?” 

 

Jack just stood there for a moment, very deer-caught-in-the-headlights. Or maybe more rabbit-cornered-by-shotgun, because Matt was teetering on the edge of murderous. Seriously. Four hundred fucking dollars. 

 

“Well, yeah. It’s Christmas. Everyone has to spend a lot at Christmas. Y’know. For presents? That’s kinda how it works?” 

 

This was going to be a very long night. “Jack… you bought a few new decorations, sure. I was expecting that. We went shopping together yesterday and we split the price of most things. So tell me, how is it possible for you to have spent over four hundred dollars already? We haven’t even got everyone’s presents yet, Jack! And we still have to do, y’know, more grocery shopping and pay bills and real life stuff like that.” 

 

“I know! I, uh… I did some online shopping last night, after you went to bed. I couldn’t sleep. And-- and I got some more decorations ‘cause they were on sale, they’re gonna get delivered,” Jack fumbled at first, but his tone grew stronger the more he spoke, seemingly thinking he had some kind of defence here. 

 

He was wrong. “What decorations cost that much?! What did you even buy online?!”

 

Jack began reeling off a list of things he’d gotten; more gifts for his parents, toys for Alex and John’s son, various bits and pieces for some of their other friends because he felt bad not getting them ‘big’ presents… 

 

Matt just stood and listened to him, arms folded, teeth clenched. “And the decorations? What were they?” 

 

Jack knew this wasn’t going to down very well, and he looked to the floor as he mumbled, “Some lawn ornaments.” 

 

“Lawn… ornaments? How big are these things?” 

 

“Well… not life-sized, but big enough,” Jack muttered. “It’s a light-up fake tree and two light-up reindeer pulling a sleigh.” 

 

“I swear to fucking _God_ , Jack!” Matt all but exploded, throwing his arms out and beginning to pace around the kitchen. “I’m so mad at you! I don’t think I’ve ever been this mad at you! Are you crazy? You remember that real life stuff I mentioned? Bills and groceries and rent? Where does money for those things fit into your insane Christmas plan, Jack?! I don’t want to have to dip into my savings every time you splash out on some fucking ridiculous _lights_ to go on our lawn for, what, one month out of the year? We need money for the _real_ stuff, Jack.” 

 

“I know!” Jack argued, defensive. Maybe he’d went a little overboard, but he just… loved Christmas. And if he had the money for it, why couldn’t he spoil his friends and family? Why not dip into his savings for that? He thought it was worth it, at least a little, to see how happy it made them. “I’m aware of the real stuff, Matt! I am an adult too, y’know.” 

 

“Are you?! Are you sure you’re aware? Because-- fuck, oh my God, Jack, I can’t believe you. I don’t think any of the essential, real life, grown-up things exist in your magical fucking Santa world where everything is perfect!” 

 

Jack had just about been prepared to take Matt’s yelling, up until that point. That was where his patience ran out. “You always see me as a fucking stupid kid, Matthew! I know I’m younger than you and I know I’m childish sometimes and I know that maybe my spending can be a little reckless, but God! At least I have fun! Unlike you, you seem to find a downer about everything to do with this time of year. It’s not _that_ bad, Matt, get over it.” 

 

“Get over it? Sure, I’ll get over it. I’d like to see you get over it too when you run our savings dry and we’re living in a fucking box out in the snow because we couldn’t make rent,” Matt snapped. He gestured at the bags around Jack’s feet, completely exasperated. “We don’t _need_ all this stuff. Our friends and family aren’t going to care if we ‘spoil’ them or whatever -- that’s not what Christmas should even be about.” 

 

“Oh, please, don’t give me a lecture on the ‘true meaning of Christmas’ right now. You’re the biggest Grinch I know, you hate everything about Christmas and if you could have it your way, holidays like this wouldn’t even exist. Right? Of course I’m right, you fucking bore. Leave me alone.” 

 

Jack stormed past Matt, deliberately bumping his shoulder along the way, and slamming pretty much every door in the damn house until he got to their bedroom. Matt just stayed where he was. There was no point chasing Jack. Not that Matt particularly wanted to. He’d gotten his point across… and Jack had called him boring. 

 

Matt could frequently be annoyed by Jack’s little idiosyncrasies about certain things, but he was always confident it didn’t matter because he loved Jack and Jack seemed to adore him regardless. 

 

This was the first time he found himself doubting that Jack would stay with him no matter what.  

 

VII.

 

Matt had a plan for the following day. He had a couple of days off work… something to do with building maintenance at the school, so he planned to work from home. But that wasn’t going to work this time. He’d go out, maybe see some friends, or get some work done on his laptop in a cafe somewhere. Just anywhere out of the house; anywhere to be away from Jack. He was still pissed at him, but he also wanted to give Jack his space. 

 

But, as if the universe wanted to punish him for indeed being the Grinch to Jack’s Christmas, the snow got heavier and heavier overnight. 

 

So heavy, in fact, that Matt genuinely thought he was dreaming when he looked out in the window in the morning. 

 

Their yard, the whole street, all the cars and other houses… it was just _white_. At a glance, it was like they weren’t even there. Matt had rushed downstairs to open the back door in just his pyjama bottoms, and was greeted by a pile of snow falling over the threshold onto his bare feet. He cringed, kneeling to quickly scoop it back outside before it melted, and then assessed their yard. Yeah, there was no way he was going anywhere today. 

 

He spent the morning looking out the window, watching his neighbours struggle to get to their cars. Not one person made it out of the street unless they decided to put on their boots and wade down the sidewalk. Matt didn’t know why -- it’s not like buses would be running, and there was a very high chance that the local store was closed for the day, if the owners even made it there to open up shop in the first place. 

 

Much to Matt’s dismay, this meant he was still home when Jack finally roused himself from their bedroom -- and he was not greeted with Jack’s usual cheery, "Good morning!" and a kiss. No, Matt got the cold shoulder. 

 

The cold, snowy shoulder. All damn day.

 

Jack didn’t even speak to him as they made themselves separate meals in the kitchen for dinner that evening. And did he get a goodnight kiss either? Did he hell. 

 

God, he fucking hated winter. 

 

VIII.

 

Matt was most disappointed when he woke up the next morning, because this was probably going to be another day of being ignored yet trapped in the same house with his boyfriend. 

 

Only, when Matt woke up, the bed was empty… which was unusual, because it was early. He sat up, frowning. Was Jack really so mad that he couldn’t even bear to sleep in beside him now? The house seemed silent. Maybe Jack had taken it upon himself to go for a walk. 

 

It was only when Matt was in the middle of getting dressed that he heard noises coming from their front yard, and when he made his way downstairs to investigate, there was Jack all bundled up in his coat clearing the driveway of snow and sweeping it off the car windows. 

 

Matt opened the door, shivering with just his bathrobe over his clothes. “Hey!” he called over. “What are you doing? It’s freezing.” 

 

Jack barely glanced up at his boyfriend, clearly still in a mood with him. “I’m clearing the driveway.” 

 

Matt sighed. He hated it when Jack was monotonous and stating the obvious -- he only did it to piss Matt off, rather than give him an actual explanation. 

 

“Yeah, but why?” Matt tried again. “It’s not like we have to go anywhere.” 

 

This time, when Jack looked up, he just appeared plain pissed off. “We’re babysitting my little cousins today, remember? I told my aunt and uncle we could do it two weeks ago and you said you’d come?” 

 

Matt wanted to give himself a mental kick in the balls. Of course. Babysitting. He wasn’t sure he was in the right headspace for this but he was going to have to be. They were caring for a four-month-old baby and a twelve-year-old boy. Neither were an age group that Matt meshed particularly well with. Then again, he didn’t mesh well with any kids at all. Don’t even get him started on teenagers. And this was coming from a teacher. He could teach just fine -- it was actually forming a solid bond that he struggled with.

 

Jack, on the other hand, was an absolute whizz with kids. It was something else that the couple were on completely different ends of the spectrum for. Matt couldn’t stand children, for the most part, and babies terrified him. Sure, there were kids in his own family and he loved them dearly, but spending any longer than an hour or two with them was incredibly taxing. He just didn’t know how to play with them or talk to them. And as soon as they started getting bratty, he lost all patience. 

 

But with Jack… it was so different. Kids flocked to him. He was like a big kid himself and he was great at playing games and play-fighting and generally getting them all excited. He could joke with them, make them laugh. He’d take any chance he could get to hold someone’s baby and he didn’t even really mind if they cried or spit up on him. It was the kind of thing Jack could take in his stride. 

 

The couple had breakfast and got ready to leave mostly in silence. The car ride was excruciating. Jack was driving this time, meaning he couldn’t stare daggers at his boyfriend, so Matt took that as a chance to apologise. 

 

“Jack… listen, this is stupid. We’re not gonna be able to babysit all day if we’re acting like kids ourselves. I’m sorry I yelled so much, but do you understand why I was mad?” 

 

At first, Matt got no response. He watched as Jack gripped the steering wheel tighter… but then relaxed his hands again, and finally, answered him. 

 

“...Yeah. I get why,” Jack sighed. “I partly didn’t wanna talk to you because I was embarrassed. I did feel kinda dumb for spending so much without even talking to you. I know I get carried away sometimes. I just… I really love Christmas. I like making it as special as I possibly can, not just for myself, but for everyone around me! I just didn’t really get what was so bad about that part.” 

 

Matt reached over to touch Jack’s knee, immediately feeling the many hours of frustration start to melt away. Unlike the snow, which was seriously slowing their journey, but at least it wasn’t going to be painfully silent and awkward any more. 

 

“It’s not bad. It’s really generous, and sweet, but Jack… you really don’t have to spend so much to make a great holiday for our friends and family. There are ways to budget… I know we’re not exactly broke but I’d like to save our money, y’know? For important stuff in our future, not just a holiday. I don’t wanna be renting forever. It would be nice to have our own home someday. Things like that.”

 

“Yeah… I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about the money before I spent it,” Jack nodded, glancing at Matt, then back to the road. His cheeks were a little pink and Matt felt like kissing him. “I was really hurt about what you said though.” 

 

“I know, and I’m sorry about that. I was just mad. Can we just… rein in the spending a little bit?” 

 

Jack smiled just a little, deciding that was fair enough. “Yeah, okay.” 

 

Matt smiled back, and for a moment, the car was quiet again -- though this time, a much more pleasant silence between the two. But Matt was still a little irked about something. 

 

“Hey, um…” he started off, pausing to clear his throat. “You don’t really think I’m boring, do you?” 

 

Jack blushed again. “I didn’t mean that. Just because you don’t like some of the things I like… it doesn’t make you boring.” 

 

It wasn’t exactly the first time someone had tried to insult Matt by calling him boring, so he wasn’t sure he believed Jack, but he nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

Babysitting wasn’t the hell that Matt had envisioned. The twelve-year-old, Silas, mostly just wanted to show them both the Christmas list he was writing for Santa. Matt managed to work up enough excitement about that to seem genuine, and even got engaged in a conversation about a Nintendo DS game Silas was dying to get his hands on. It was a Kingdom Hearts game, something that Matt happened to be a master at, and they ended up discussing it for around twenty minutes. 

 

Jack mostly sat and cuddled baby Jude, but watching Matt and Silas together made his heart swell. He knew Matt wasn’t the most comfortable around little kids so seeing him make an effort with children he wasn’t even related to… it stirred something in Jack’s stomach, got him feeling all fluttery. Of course, that could’ve just been the fact that Jude was fast asleep on him and Jack loved nothing more than getting baby cuddles. 

 

Matt eventually came to sit with him on the sofa and watch TV, handing him some coffee which Jack carefully drank, not wanting to spill any on his sleeping cousin. 

 

“So you and Silas sure had a lot to talk about, huh?” Jack grinned. 

 

“Oh, yeah, he wants a Kingdom Hearts game for Christmas and as you know… that’s my forte,” Matt chuckled, absently reaching out to touch Jude’s tiny fingers. “He went to his room to play Mario for a while… I said we’d call on him when dinner’s ready if he wasn’t downstairs by then.”

 

Jack just smiled down at Matt’s hand, one of his fingers now being clasped tightly by Jude. 

 

“How adorable is he?” Jack whispered. “I want one.” 

 

Matt looked up, raising his eyebrows at Jack. Sure, Jude was cute, but he was asleep, for a start. 

 

“Not right now!” Jack corrected himself, laughing softly. “But someday. Don’t you? I mean… just look at him. I can’t wait to be a dad.”

 

“Someday,” Matt mumbled in response, sipping his coffee immediately afterwards. 

 

Fortunately Jack dropped the subject in favour of checking his phone, and Matt went back to watching the television, but he couldn’t concentrate on it. It’s not like it was new information that Jack wanted to be a father at some point. Matt had always known this. And it’s not like he didn’t want children. He sort of just assumed he’d be ready for it someday and when that time came, he’d know. But now he wasn’t so sure. He was nearing twenty-six and still didn’t feel comfortable around little kids. He could barely bond with teenagers despite his teaching job. And babies just outright scared him. They were so tiny and floppy… no muscle mass, flexible bones, can only survive on milk for months, and they puke ALL the time. Yet Jack was just so at ease with them. He was definitely a natural… Matt definitely was not. 

 

At best, Matt would be able to indulge his child in all manner of Disney knowledge, but that’s something they likely wouldn’t even appreciate until they were at least five. And he could probably teach them how to play sports, ice-hockey in particular… but what if the kid was more bookish than outdoorsy? Sure, he taught English at school, but that wasn’t an exciting thing to tell your kid about. 

 

His abilities as a future father seemed very limited.

 

IX.

 

The roads were mostly clear of snow by the next day (even if the sidewalks weren’t) so Matt was able to get to work okay, but he ended up getting sent home at lunchtime, as did the whole school. The progress of the maintenance work had been thrown off by the weather, and apparently it wasn’t safe for everyone to carry on their day as normal. He didn’t complain, though. It just meant he got to mark homework in the peace and quiet of his own home. 

 

Or so he thought. 

 

Jack had been working that morning, but only for a couple of hours, so he was also home early. He worked in a local music store but only as and when needed, which at the moment, he was lucky if he got in one full day of work per week. Matt had tried to help him find other work but Jack loved the store too much to give up just yet.

 

“Babe! What are you doing home?” Jack asked the moment Matt stepped out of the car. 

 

“They closed the school again, the maintenance work wasn’t done… what are you doing?” 

 

“Decided to make the most of the daylight and get the outdoor decorations up! The light displays I ordered arrived! You wanna help me?”

 

Matt wanted to scream that no, he absolutely did not want to help Jack put up the outdoor decorations. It was freezing. But instead, he sighed, and nodded. “Let me put my things down inside.”

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

It took a lot longer than Matt would’ve liked it to for them to set up the stupid light-up reindeer, and their sleigh, and the fake tree, but eventually, they were all positioned to Jack’s liking on the lawn. They actually looked quite nice but Matt still didn’t think they were an essential need. 

 

Then, they hung the wreath on the front door, making sure it was fastened on tightly so it wouldn’t blow away. They managed to hang their strings of outdoor fairy lights much quicker than the lawn lights were set up, and for that, Matt was relieved, because he could barely feel his toes inside his boots any more. 

 

“Are we done? Are you happy? ‘Cause we really need to get inside,” Matt asked, watching Jack make needless adjustments to the way the lights were sitting. “Jack, come on, they look fine. It’s not like we’re entered in a neighbourhood Christmas light competition.” 

 

“I know, our neighbourhood doesn’t do that… I wish we did,” Jack replied, actually sounding _disappointed_ about it. 

 

“Well, I’m going inside to have a hot chocolate and warm my feet up; shall I make you one?” Matt asked, taking one step backwards and turning towards the door. 

 

Before Jack could answer him, Matt had stepped on a patch of ice and went flying. One leg went comically up in the air as he slipped and he crashed backwards, thankfully landing on the snowy grass, next to the reindeer’s sleigh. 

 

Jack immediately laughed but ran to help him up, trying to pull him up off the grass before the snow soaked into his clothes. “Oh, Matty… I’m sorry but that was so funny.” 

 

“I don’t fucking believe this,” Matt was grumbling as he struggled to his feet, not seeing the funny side at all. He was absolutely furious. “Now my butt is all wet, all for these stupid lights, Jesus Christ.” 

 

“Oh, come on, Matt, you just took a little tumble, you’re not even hurt, it was funny--,” Jack tried to reason with him as they walked back towards the house, when he stepped on the exact same patch of ice. 

 

In much the same fashion Matt had, Jack went down, falling to the grass… and immediately sat up laughing about it. 

 

Matt was still fucking furious. 

 

Falling down just meant he’d made an ass of himself AND took longer trying to do the thing he wanted to do in the first place. What was funny? Absolutely nothing. Especially with his actual ass wet right through to his underwear from the damn snow. 

 

Had Matt mentioned he hated winter? 

 

And Jack was _still_ laughing. 

 

“See, that was funny,” he was chortling away to himself as he got up and made his way into the house with Matt, who kept a stony expression the entire time they got changed. 

 

Jack eventually gave up trying to make him laugh about it and just let him make their hot chocolates in silence.

 

X.

 

The day after the slipping incident, Jack got a bright idea to present to Matt over dinner. 

 

He had hope his boyfriend might go for the idea but Jack knew it was a long-shot. 

 

“So… Matt…” he started off slowly, using his fork to flick peas back and forth on his mostly emptied plate. 

 

Matt looked up from reading a news article on his iPad, immediately skeptical. Jack had THAT tone. The tone that meant he wanted something. It briefly crossed Matt’s mind that he’d probably be a very suspicious ‘bad cop’ of a parent in that moment, and it was just another negative to add to the list of reasons having children was a terrible idea. 

 

“What is it, Jack?”

 

“Well… I saw this thing on Facebook… some local people are advertising that they started a caroling group last year and now they’re trying to get more members… I’ve never done anything like that before but it sounds kind of fun, doesn’t it? I mean, I know you sang in a band in college, so I thought we could join it together! They meet three times a week in the evening but they’re planning to start going around doors caroling by the fifteenth.” 

 

Jack was grinning as he finished speaking, but instead of Matt even considering the offer, he rolled his eyes and actually scoffed, as if it were the stupidest thing he had ever heard, and went back to reading whatever was on his iPad screen. 

 

It stung, Jack couldn’t lie. Sure, caroling was silly and even annoying to a lot of people, but it seemed like it might be fun, and they donated money they earned to local charities… Jack couldn’t really see a bad side to that, especially if he got to do it with his love. 

 

But his love apparently didn’t even care enough for the idea to vocally respond, so Jack noisily dropped his cutlery down on his plate, and stood from the table. 

 

“Fine, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll just join it myself,” Jack snapped, whipping his phone out of his pocket to message the carolers’ Facebook group. “It would be nice if you at least _pretended_ to care about things I care about now and again, Matt. But I forgot that if you hate Christmas time, that means everyone else has to too. Right?”

 

He slammed the dining room door shut on his way out, leaving Matt blinking in shock at what he saw as an unexpected outburst.

 

XI.

 

Jack’s mood towards Matt had not improved by the next day. 

 

With his boyfriend out of the house visiting his friend Danny, Jack had some time to himself, and he opted to make a start on writing the Christmas cards. He only intended to write maybe half, but before he knew it, two hours had passed and he’d written one for just about every person in their address book. Family members (both his and Matt’s), friends (both close and acquaintances), even their workplaces. Matt would probably complain about the price of stamps but Jack absolutely didn’t care in that moment. 

 

It felt like all Matt had done since the beginning of December was complain and try to put a dampener on things, and Jack was pretty sick of it. He hadn’t even told Matt that the caroling group had accepted him immediately, much to his joy. No, instead of sharing that with his grump of a boyfriend, Jack had texted Alex with the news instead, and Alex had been appropriately happy and excited for him. So, at least someone was. 

 

Jack was getting bundled up in his winter coat and gloves when Matt unfortunately returned. 

 

“Hey babe,” he greeted, to which he got no response. “What have you been up to? Where are you going…?” 

 

“I wrote the Christmas cards,” Jack said simply, gathering the hefty pile of sealed and addressed envelopes and putting them in a bag to keep them safe from falling snow. He briefly wondered if Matt was going to start grumbling about the weather again. 

 

“All of them? Just while I was gone?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Oh. Even for my family and stuff?”

 

“Yep.”

 

Matt was surprised. Jack usually had to force a nice pen into Matt’s hand and physically make him sit down to write his Christmas cards. He figured it would be worse this year now that they were living together. But apparently not. 

 

“Why…?”

 

Jack looked up, bag of cards in hand, ready to leave. “You hate writing cards. I saved you the trouble.” 

 

That was all he said before heading out the door to go and post them, leaving Matt feeling quite put out. 

 

Jack only spoke to him like that when he was in _really_ big trouble, so he knew his boyfriend must have been more pissed about this stupid caroling business than Matt had realised. 

 

Fuck.

 

Now he was going to have to fix it. 

 

XII.

 

Jack had given Matt the silent treatment the rest of Sunday after posting the Christmas cards, and refused to cuddle him in bed, so Matt knew he was going to have to make a serious effort. 

 

He did feel pretty guilty, though. It was only fair to act interested even if he wasn’t, especially when Jack put in the effort to come to Matt’s ice-hockey games and he never once complained about Matt’s ever-growing Disney collection (which included but was not limited to DVDs, posters, miscellaneous collectables, trinkets, plush toys, ornaments, clothes, bedsheets, and lord only knew what else). 

 

So, come Monday afternoon, Matt knew exactly what he was going to do, both to get back in Jack’s good books and create a segue for an apology. He got home from work around four, just ten minutes before Jack was due back home too. It was basically already dark, but that was kind of irrelevant. 

 

See, Jack adored the snow. He loved watching it. He loved playing in it. He loved how it made everything feel truly Christmassy. So Matt figured a great way to prove he was sorry and also get Jack feeling good again… was just to play in the snow. He’d bundled himself up as warm as possible because the cold was truly something Matt disliked the most about snow, apart from how disruptive it was. This wasn’t about him, though, or about the annoyance of snow. It was about Jack. 

 

Matt had made quite a sizeable pile of snowballs by the time Jack showed up, head down with his scarf up and his hat low so at first, he didn’t even seem to notice Matt until he was already in the yard. Until it was already too late. 

 

The first snowball had been launched, and it hit Jack square in the chest, almost sending him toppling backwards from the pure shock of it. 

 

He looked up with wide eyes, staring at his grinning boyfriend. “Matthew! What are you doing?!” 

 

“Instigating a snowball fight,” Matt replied. “Isn’t it obvious?” 

 

He threw another, and this one hit Jack in the shoulder. At first, Jack looked kind of annoyed, and Matt worried that maybe he should’ve started with the apology, rather than launching snowballs at his already pissed off boyfriend… but seconds later, Jack started laughing, scrambling around the yard to make his own snowballs. Relieved, Matt laughed too, yelling at him that he better hurry up, before launching his third snowball. 

 

This one missed, and in the process of reaching for a fourth, Jack threw one that smacked Matt in the legs. 

 

They carried on like children, pelting each other with snowballs for ten minutes before they had to call time on the game, both completely out of breath. 

 

“What brought that on?” Jack panted as he brushed snow off of Matt’s shoulders. “You hate the snow, much less actually playing in it.” 

 

Matt shrugged. “It was actually really fun. I mostly wanted to do it for you. Look, I’m really sorry. About the caroling thing. And just… yeah, I’m sorry. I should’ve at least been happy for you over doing something you want to do, even if I don’t want to join in. I should’ve been more respectful about that from the get-go, so, let me try again. Jack, I don’t think caroling will be my thing, but I’m excited that you’re trying out something new and I hope it’s fun for you, and I hope you make some new friends doing it.”

 

Jack was beaming when Matt finished talking, and he planted a kiss on his boyfriend’s cold cheek. “You’re forgiven. Thank-you for apologising. That means a lot. I think the caroling will be fun. They’re mostly doing common Christmas songs that everyone knows so I’ll be able to keep up okay even though I’m joining late.” 

 

“I’m really glad to hear that. Tell me how your first night goes, okay?” 

 

“I will! Can we build a snowman now…?” 

 

Matt rolled his eyes, but fondly this time. “Sure we can, babe. Start piling up some snow for the body.” 

 

They ended up making a snowwoman instead, with Jack crudely giving her breasts, which were a bit lumpy no matter how he tried to smooth them. When he couldn’t get them to go right, he stuck two pebbles at the end of each breast, proudly claiming they were nipples. 

 

“Why is she naked in the snow?” Matt asked, coming out of the house with a carrot for her nose. 

 

Jack looked at Matt like he was stupid, pressing eyes and a mouth onto their snowwoman’s face with more pebbles. “She’s a snowperson! She doesn’t feel the cold, she can be naked if she wants to!” 

 

“Alright, jeez! Don’t get touchy about my lack of knowledge of snowpeople!” 

 

Jack just decided to tackle Matt in response, sending them both falling onto the snowy grass. But they only put in the effort to wrestle for a few seconds before they both gave up, rolling onto their backs.

 

“It’s too cold for that, I can’t feel my hands,” Matt decided. 

 

“Agreed.” 

 

They lay in silence for a moment, unable to find the effort to get up despite the cold seeping into their backs. The sky was completely dark by now, and there were fresh flakes raining down on them. Slowly at first, but they quickly got thicker and heavier, and Jack could feel them melting on his face. 

 

He felt Matt reaching for his gloved hand, clutching it in his own. This was already Jack’s favourite memory from this year’s Christmas season, he could tell. 

 

“I really am sorry, y’know,” Matt whispered. He didn’t know why he was whispering. It just felt like a quiet moment, under the snowfall, staring at the sky with Jack. “I know you already forgave me, but… I do love you. I want you to know I’m being sincere.” 

 

Jack didn’t say anything for a little longer, and then he started shuffling away from Matt. Just when Matt was starting to think he’d said something wrong somehow, Jack began madly flapping his arms and legs around, and the elder caught on -- snow angels. 

 

He laughed to the sky, copying Jack to make one too. Jack was finished first and he got on his knees to crawl to Matt, leaning over him. 

 

“I think you’d make a good angel,” he commented, using his finger to draw a halo above Matt’s head in the snow too. “Perfect.” 

 

“Seriously? Me? A good angel?” Matt laughed. 

 

“Mm… okay, maybe not,” Jack decided, giggling. He leaned down, pressing his lips to Matt. There was no warmth to it -- both their faces were freezing but Jack would never have complained about it. “I love you too, by the way. I’ve always wanted a kiss under falling snow.”

 

“I’m glad I could give that to you.” 

 

“Me too. Now let’s get inside before my balls completely freeze off!” Jack yelled, finally feeling the motivation to get out of the cold as he struggled to his feet. “You too, hurry up, I don’t want you to lose your balls either. I happen to like them.” 

 

Matt found himself rolling his eyes again as stood up and started brushing snow off his coat. But it was still only out of fondness. And he’d surprised himself with how much he enjoyed playing outside, too. Maybe snow wasn’t _so_ bad. Still very annoying. But in terms of using it to make up with your boyfriend? Ten out of ten. Matt definitely approved. 

 

XIII.

 

“So are you gonna make it to the ice-hockey practice tonight?” 

 

“Yeah, definitely! I’m guessing you will too?”

 

“You bet,” Rian grinned. 

 

Rian was probably Matt’s closest friend at the school they worked at. He was a teaching assistant for the gym classes, into all sorts of sporty things. It was actually Matt who invited Rian to try out for their ice-hockey team a few months ago and he’d been coming along ever since. 

 

They were headed to their cars in the parking lot together after a long day, finding it fairly treacherous what with the layer of ice that seemed to have developed over the course of last night. 

 

“Hey, have you started any of your Christmas shopping yet?” Rian asked, pausing beside Matt’s car. “I haven’t even thought about it and December seems to be going by so fast.” 

 

Matt groaned loudly. “Dude, don’t even get me started. My Christmas shopping is all basically finished, which is a good thing, but it’s because my boyfriend has this dumb Christmas obsession. It’s just kinda whatever to me.” 

 

“Ah. Guess I better go home and get started on a list then, huh?” Rian laughed. “See you tomorrow, man!” 

 

Matt waved him off, turning around as he dug in his pocket to find his keys… and almost jumped out of his skin to find Jack standing  _right there_ with John just a little ways behind him, he and Alex’s three dogs on their leashes. 

 

“Jesus, Jack!” 

 

“Dumb Christmas obsession?” Jack repeated, looking wounded. Matt’s heart sank. Shit. “Really, Matt?” 

 

“Jack, I didn’t--,” Matt tried to explain, although it’s not like he could really talk his way out of it. Whichever way he looked at it, he’d basically just shit-talked his boyfriend to someone Jack had only met once. And Jack clearly wasn’t in the mood for excuses. He’d already turned around and started walking out of the parking lot. “Jack, wait!” 

 

Matt sighed, knowing there was no point. He could see John walking towards him and he wasn’t really in the mood to get told off even though he knew he deserved it. 

 

“Seriously, Matt…? Didn’t you guys _just_ make up?” John asked, looking completely exasperated with his friend. 

 

“I’m guessing Jack told you about our little fight then,” Matt said, finally finding his stupid keys. “What are you guys even doing here?”

 

“He came over to visit, but Grayson has his school Christmas party today so he’s getting ready with Alex. Jack came to walk the dogs with me and asked if we could surprise you as you were getting out of work… so, in short, you’re an ass.” 

 

“Thanks, I hadn’t realised,” Matt huffed as he opened his car door. “I’ll make it up to him later. I didn’t mean-- it just slipped out, I was just making conversation.” 

 

“No, you were just bad-mouthing him behind his back. He _loves_ Christmas, Matt. I’m gonna go after him. You should probably just go on home, he’s not gonna want to ride in the car with you.” 

 

John was right about that. He was right about everything. 

 

It was very irritating, but John often was. 

 

And yes, Matt was an ass. Again. 

 

XIV.

 

His second big apology of the week hadn’t gone over quite as well as their snow day. Jack had forgiven him after a very long talk and they’d cuddled in bed, which actually let to some surprising make-up sex. And it was nice, sure. Certainly the last thing Matt had expected to get that night, but it still felt… off. He knew Jack was still upset despite the forgiveness. 

 

It was on his mind all of Wednesday at work. 

 

If he didn’t buck up his ideas, Jack was going to start getting _really_ mad at him. He’d fucked up one too many times just this month already. The Christmas season really brought out something ugly in him, he was sure. 

 

A bigger stress, however, was the fact that Jack probably had amazing present ideas for Matt. Jack was truly a reigning king at giving amazing gifts to his boyfriend… whereas Matt was kind of a flop. He had his moments, but after the first two or three presents, he just had a hard time coming up with anything good, fun, or even useful. 

 

Rian had been right yesterday about December slipping away fast. It was already the 14th, and despite having pretty much all presents sorted, Matt was clueless about what to get for Jack. 

 

It started to panic him so much that he drove straight home after work, knowing the house would be empty. Jack was at a meeting for this stupid caroling group, which Matt was trying very hard not to think of as stupid. But it was stupid. Seriously, what a waste of time. 

 

It was good for one thing though -- Jack being out of the house meant Matt could raid the house and look for the presents Jack had bought him. Was it terrible? Yes, more than a little terrible. Positively awful, actually. Matt didn’t want to ruin the surprise because that’s part of what Jack loved about giving gifts, but he was also happy to sacrifice that, because if he knew what Jack was getting him, then maybe he’d get some inspiration for gifts _to_ Jack that would measure up to the gifts _from_ Jack. Genius. 

 

Jack is just about as good at hiding presents as he is at buying them, though, and it takes Matt almost an hour to dig them out. He was naive to think Jack would’ve hidden them with the family and friends’ gifts. No, that would be _sensible_. Matt’s gifts had been neatly tucked away in boxes under the bed in the spare room. He’d only just gotten all the bags out when he heard Jack come home and immediately start bounding up the stairs. 

 

Matt scrambled but he absolutely wasn’t fast enough. 

 

“Matt! Matt, where are you…? My meeting was so good! I can’t wait to start going around people’s doors-- what are you doing?!” 

 

“No, nothing, this isn’t what it looks like--,” Matt fumbled, lifting a pile of new, neatly folded clothes and trying to shove them back in their designated bag. “I didn’t even really see anything yet.” 

 

Looking completely freaked out, Jack runs over and grabs at the pile, tugging it out of Matt’s arms. “Don’t look! You’re not supposed to be looking for your presents! You can’t see them yet!” 

 

Jack is so stressed and panicked, and Matt can’t really work out why, because it seems like _somewhat_ of an over-reaction, but in all the fuss, another bag gets knocked off the bed and onto the floor. Matt bends down automatically to tidy it up, and Jack all but screams at him not to look, which again, Matt thinks is a complete over-reaction. 

 

But that’s when he sees the little black box that’s tumbled out of the bag, and his heart just about stops in his chest, because he knows exactly what it is. He doesn’t have to look, but he’s going to. He barely hears Jack dropping what’s in his arms as he stands up with the box in hand, opening it up. 

 

He knew exactly what would be inside it, but actually seeing it… his stomach feels like it might be folding in on itself. 

 

The ring is simple and silver, with four small diamonds bannering the band diagonally. It’s quite beautiful, really. 

 

Jack had tears streaming down his face beside him, haphazardly trying to wipe them away. “You weren’t supposed to see this yet, this was supposed to be-- why were you looking? You weren’t supposed to find it.” 

 

Oddly, Matt feels completely unaffected by Jack’s crying, which has never happened before. He just can’t stop staring at the ring, at that shining silver band and the diamonds glinting up at him. Jack was going to propose. Jack was going to propose for _Christmas_. Jack wanted to get married. Soon. He wanted marriage and babies and a forever together and Matt didn’t know if he could do any of it. 

 

The panic enveloped him all at once, and he shoved the open ring box at Jack’s hands. 

 

“I can’t do this,” he blurted out, stumbling out of the room and down the stairs. 

 

He didn’t hear Jack follow him, or maybe he did… Matt couldn’t focus on anything but the sheer blinding panic and the ringing, rushing in his ears. He had to go, he had to go. 

 

His parents’ place seemed like a safe bet. 

 

Jack wouldn’t come looking for him there.

 

  
XV.

 

Matt saw every hour of the clock that night, just sitting until morning crept around. Thinking, thinking. Thinking in time with the ticking of the clock. His parents’ Christmas decorations almost mocked him. Maybe he didn’t have to cry and fawn over the ring and say yes. But he didn’t have to run. 

 

He didn’t have to run.

 

He shouldn’t have ran. 

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

Jack stayed in bed. All day long, he just lay in bed. 

 

The Christmas lights did not get turned on this day. 

 

XVI. 

 

“Uncle Jack!” 

 

The sound of Grayson’s happy little voice in the house was exactly what Jack needed. 

 

“Hey, little dude,” he smiled from the couch. “I missed you!” 

 

“Can I watch one of Uncle Matt’s Disney DVDs?”

 

Jack’s face fell at the mention of Matt’s name, but he tried hard not to show it, just nodding his head. “Mhm, just be careful not to scratch it.”

 

The kid knew exactly where Matt’s DVD collection sat -- they had a special bookcase in the livingroom. Grayson had probably watched at least one of them every single time he’d visited Matt since he was a toddler, so by the age of five, he knew the rules. Don’t scratch the discs and always put them back, and he could watch absolutely anything he pleased. 

 

“Hey Jack,” Alex followed his son into the livingroom several minutes later, laden down with bags. He’d offered to pick up some groceries for Jack to save his friend going out for anything. 

 

“Thanks for picking those up… money’s on the counter for you,” Jack smiled, reaching up to hug his friend. 

 

“No worries, man… so. I think I’m gonna make us some coffee, and we can talk. How does that sound?”

 

“I think that sounds good.” 

 

Jack had made the effort to shower and put on real clothes since he knew Alex and Grayson were coming round. He’d even vacuumed and washed his dishes, and turned on the Christmas lights. He didn’t want the house to look as depressed as he felt. 

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

  
  


After talking out the entire situation, which Jack was relieved to do (he’d already told Alex over text the day that it happened, but it wasn’t quite the same as getting to vent to his friend in person), he felt a little lighter. Not better, but it also didn’t suck quite as much to just have the pain and confusion rattling around in his own head with nobody to voice it to. 

 

Alex just felt bad for Jack. He wanted to help, but at the same time, he couldn’t exactly make Matt change his mind about whatever commitment issues he was apparently having. 

 

“I wish I could do more for you, bud… but, well, maybe this is your warning. Maybe you and Matt aren’t built to last? And I hate saying that, trust me. I love Matt to pieces, you’re both two of my best friends in the entire world, but if he couldn’t even just sit down and talk to you about why he didn’t feel like marriage is the right step right now, then… I don’t know.”

 

Jack sighed, swirling the remainder of his coffee around the bottom of the mug. Alex was right. But they’d only just moved in together earlier in the year. Jack didn’t want to think this was just suddenly over. Three years down the drain. Surely it wasn’t over. 

 

“I don’t want to think that it’s over. But… he hasn’t even texted me since he ran out on me. I don’t know what that means,” Jack explained, getting tearful for the first time during the conversation. Both he and Alex glanced at Grayson, but he was absorbed in watching Tarzan. “Like… is he finished with me? I know he went to his parents’ place. That’s where he goes when there’s emergencies. But is it over? Or am I the one that’s going to have to break up with him…? I don’t wanna just end it. I want to know why he ran out. I want to know why he didn’t just _talk_ to me.” 

 

Alex reached over and patted Jack’s knee. “I know. And I think you deserve that. John and I talked, though. We both said that if Matt’s being like this, whatever’s wrong with him, then you are more than welcome to come and spend Christmas Eve at our place.” 

 

That was sweet. Alex was always taking care of Jack, always had done since they were teenagers, and fuck, did he appreciate it. “Thank-you, Lex. I’ll think about it. That would actually be kinda fun to get up on Christmas morning with a kid in the house, though. Matt and I were going to go to my parents’ place together for Christmas Day but I’m starting to feel like I’ll be there alone.” 

 

It would be the first time they spent Christmas together. Waking up together on Christmas morning, and then going to Jack’s parents’ place together to spend the day with his family. They compromised because they’d spent Thanksgiving with Matt’s family. It all felt very grown-up and new; a big step in their relationship to be making traditions of how they’d spend their holidays. Hopefully how they’d spend them for years to come. 

 

Or so Jack had thought, anyway. 

 

But at least he had Alex and John, and Grayson. 

 

XVII.

 

Saturday was a day for baking.

 

With only eight days until Christmas, Jack was surprised at himself for not making Christmas cookies sooner. It used to be a tradition when he was a kid that he and his family would do at least four times over in the month of December. But he supposed he’d been busy with other things. 

 

Still, it felt very therapeutic to mix all the ingredients to the sound of Let It Snow, knowing it was actually snowing outside. Jack was not much of a cook but he could certainly bake. He was one of those people that absolutely needed to follow the recipe word-for-word or it would go horribly wrong, but he could bake. Christmas cookies and gingerbread houses happened to be his speciality. 

 

It took him several hours, starting early in the morning to bake three batches of Christmas cookies, and then the gingerbread to make a house. The house alone only took him an hour or so to craft -- he’d long ago perfected the art of this. 

 

He was just in the process of packing up the cookies and house into containers when someone came home. Someone who hadn’t bothered to come home for days now. 

 

“Hi,” Matt said quietly, standing in the kitchen doorway looking sheepish. He stepped cautiously into the room when he got no response. “I was hoping we could talk.” 

 

“No.”

 

Matt blinked. He thought Jack would’ve been dying to talk by now. “No?”

 

“No.” 

 

Jack continued what he was doing, not once looking at his boyfriend. He put on his shoes, a scarf, gloves, his coat. He stacked up the containers with all his Christmas treats in them, and lifted them carefully so as not to bash anything. It would suck if they all broke when he’d just got them perfect. 

 

“I want to sort things out,” Matt tried again. “Please. Can we talk?”

 

Jack shook his head. Matt’s attempt to fix this was limp, and he didn’t care for it. “No. I have plans to go see Alex and John and Grayson, we’re gonna play board games and watch movies and eat Christmas cookies. I’ll be staying the night there because Grayson wanted to have a sleepover. We arranged it yesterday. So, no, we can’t talk.” 

 

With that, Jack was out the door. A tiny part of Matt thought he might cave and come back so they could talk after all, but he didn’t. He had to stand there and listen as Jack’s car pulled away, and he was gone. The house smelled like cookies, and there was a handful of the more imperfect ones still lying on the kitchen counter. 

 

Matt found himself thinking of that day with the Christmas cards, when he’d watched Jack leave knowing he was in a bad mood. He was beginning to think maybe he should get used to the idea of Jack walking out, because that’s what was going to happen for real if he didn’t fix this. 

 

XVIII. 

 

Matt never thought he would voluntarily be at the mall as it opened, so close to Christmas, buying Christmas lights. If anyone had told him a month ago that he’d be doing just that, he would’ve laughed right in their face. 

 

Yet, that was exactly where he found himself on an extremely chilly Sunday morning. 

 

He hadn’t been able to sleep the night before, in he and Jack’s bed, with no Jack. He knew a grand gesture of some kind had to be made to show Jack he was really sorry. Something better than just playing in the snow after a silly fight. This was different. This time, the possibility of Jack breaking up with him seemed very, very real. With good reason, too. All of Matt’s bad moods, putting Jack down for no reason, and childishly disappearing on him for days when all Jack wanted was to show his boyfriend how much he loved him? It wasn’t cool. Matt could only blame so much of it on him hating the holidays… and even then, he knew that wasn’t a valid excuse either. 

 

He had to do _something_. Something he knew Jack would love. The idea came to him at three in the morning, making the early journey out to the mall even worse, but it would be worth it. 

 

Having no idea when Jack might return home from this sleepover at Alex and John’s place, Matt had to work fast. That was, of course, assuming Jack came home at all. At this point, Matt wouldn’t be surprised if he just stayed with them. Or moved back home to his parents’ place. Matt wasn’t even sure HE would date himself right now. But he was really hoping his apology would at least make Jack wanna talk it over. They could fix it, Matt was sure of it. 

 

Colour-changing rainbow strings of lights ended up being the lights of choice -- Jack loved all colours so anything rainbow at Christmas time was a treasured find (and really did everything to show off his sexuality). Fortunately, Matt got his desired fairylights purchased quickly, along with a special something else, and he was back home by ten that morning. 

 

It was actually easier than he thought it would be to execute his plan, though it did take an awful lot of tape to secure everything into place firmly enough so it wouldn’t fall down. This apology had to go perfectly if Matt had any chance of making a case to save their relationship. 

 

After that, it was just a matter of waiting for Jack to come home, which he didn’t until three in the afternoon. Matt was going out of his mind for hours and ended up cleaning the house from top to bottom, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but he was absolutely exhausted by the time he heard the front door opening. 

 

Skidding in his socks through the hallway, Matt came to a stop right in front of his creation that he’d placed on the wall opposite the front door so Jack would see it right away. 

 

“Hi, okay, hi, before you, like… run off to the bedroom and ignore me, just hear me out, okay? Because you have every right to be upset but just… just let me say something first, please? I’m sorry, okay? See? I’m really sorry, Jack, I am.” 

 

Matt was at the point of begging, and he knew he sounded desperate, but he didn’t care. He _was_ desperate, he _was_ begging. He didn’t want to lose Jack and he was prepared to do pretty much anything to make sure it didn’t happen. So, he stepped aside slightly, gesturing to the wall. 

 

Spelled out in the strings of rainbow Christmas lights taped to the wall was the word, “Sorry.” They were changing slowly, fading from red to yellow to blue to green and back, colouring the hallway with soft light. 

 

Jack, as much as he was dreading coming home to face Matt and the potential end of their relationship, was touched. He knew his boyfriend well enough to know when he was truly sorry, and he really looked it right now, standing beside his wall art of lights. Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Matt looking so hopeful that something was going to work out. 

 

“Matthew…” Jack whispered, putting his bag down. He wasn’t sure where to even start. “I… it’s beautiful.” 

 

“Look, I-- I’m not trying to win back your affection with a grand gesture, that’s-- that’s the last thing I want, I just really want you to know I am sorry, I feel absolutely terrible and I deserve to, but if I could go back and do it differently… I would, I would give anything to change how I reacted. I’m really, really, really sorry. I want to fix it, I really do, I don’t want this to be the end of us. When I saw that ring, I just… I was so shocked and scared for so many reasons. I think it was just a total reflex, everything in my body told me to just run because-- well, I don’t even really know why. It was just blind panic, Jack. But I should’ve stayed and talked about it with you. I love you. You deserved more than how I acted.” 

 

Matt’s speech had saved Jack from having to start anywhere, but now he was just struggling not to cry. This was the apology he’d wanted, and needed. The apology that meant they didn’t have to break up on the spot and make this the worst Christmas of Jack’s entire life. 

 

Putting Matthew out of his misery, Jack rushed forwards and threw his arms around his boyfriend. It took Matt a moment to react, unable to believe that Jack actually seemed to be forgiving him. He’d been dubious that he could Jack back even with his grand gesture and the most genuine apology he’d ever made. 

 

“I love you too,” Jack wept into his shoulder. “It’s okay. It’s all okay. I can understand panicking… I love you so much, I don’t wanna break up, I wanna move on from this.” 

 

Finally hugging him back, Matt found himself in tears too. “It’s not okay, don’t say it’s okay, I shouldn’t have done that to you, Jack.” 

 

“But it is okay. I mean... it’s not okay, I wish you’d talked to me that night, even if you’d ran out and come back the same day… I can understand needing time to think, and I’m sorry for almost springing a proposal on you--”

 

“Jack, Jack, stop, shh. It’s alright. Just promise me we can talk about big relationship changes before they happen? I know you like surprises but… I like to be prepared. Clearly.” 

 

Jack laughed weakly, pulling away so he could see Matt’s face. It was tear-stained and lit dimly by the lights on the wall, and Jack just felt a rush of love for him. He was so beautiful, and much more vulnerable than he’d ever let himself believe, so this was a rare moment. 

 

“That’s okay, I promise we can do that… just, you do wanna get married someday, right? Not right now, but in the future…?” 

 

Get married to the ever-cheerful, fun-loving, optimistic love of his life? Matt thought that was a pretty sweet deal. “Of course I do. I really do, Jack. I just panicked thinking about everything that comes with marriage… it seemed like such a huge step and we’ve only just moved in together not that long ago.” 

 

“Hey, it’s alright, don’t-- let’s just put this behind us for now? We can talk about it some other time, after all the Christmas and New Year madness is out of the way,” Jack decided, knowing it would be a lot easier to have a serious discussion when Matt wasn’t stressing out of his mind about the holidays. “I’ll take the ring back tomorrow morning before my shift at work, too.”

 

At that, though, Matt’s face fell. Jack must’ve spent such a long time picking a perfect ring that he thought Matt would like, not to mention saving his own money to buy it in the first place… after everything, it seemed cruel for him to have to take it back now. 

 

“You-- you don’t have to do that, we could just save it…?” 

 

Jack smiled and shook his head. “No, we can’t. I don’t want it looming over us and putting pressure on us to get engaged as soon as possible if that’s not what you want. It’s okay. I don’t mind waiting, and there’s always other rings. I’m taking it back.” 

 

It made sense but it still made Matt feel guilty as hell. He supposed that would pass, though. “Okay. Yeah. You’re right. It’ll probably be better if we don’t just have it lying around the house. It would be a waste.”

 

They each shared a smile, and a soft sigh of relief. As much as having Alex and John’s support meant the world to Jack, he’d been desperate just to talk to Matt and figure out what they were. Broken up? Still together? Going on a break? He had no idea if Matt was even coming back and it had been torture. But this was the biggest weight getting lifted off his chest, to know they would be alright. 

 

“I can’t believe you haven’t even noticed…” Matt’s words tore Jack away from his thoughts, and he gave him a puzzled look. 

 

“Noticed what…?” Jack frowned, just as Matt pointed up at the ceiling. 

 

Mistletoe. 

  
He’d hung mistletoe above the apology lights. 

 

Matt had all but forbidden mistletoe from ever being in their home ever since he and Jack went to a party last Christmas, where they were forced to kiss under the mistletoe in front of everyone attending. Jack thought it was all in good fun but Matt wasn’t a fan of PDA or having people stare at him. Ever since, he’d claimed post-traumatic mistletoe stress and refused to go near the stuff, much to Jack’s disappointment. 

 

And now it was hanging in their hallway. 

 

He must’ve been _really_ sorry. 

 

“You hung mistletoe for me!” Jack gushed, bouncing on his toes. “It’s a Christmas miracle!” 

 

“Alright, alright, just shut up and kiss me, would ya?” 

 

Jack didn’t need to be told twice.

 

XIX.

 

The following day, Jack insisted they at least make a dent in the all the Christmas present wrapping they had left to do, and Matt agreed. He stopped by the supermarket on the way home from work and picked up some fresh rolls of wrapping paper, because he was pretty sure there weren’t any left in the house. The few presents Jack had wrapped were done with leftover paper from last year. So, six rolls of paper later, in varying patterns, he was headed home. 

 

Jack had the Christmas movies locked and loaded (because apparently that was a requirement when wrapping, but Matt was making a special effort not to be a Grinch about the holidays, so he didn’t complain… especially because he actually liked Jim Carrey’s portrayal, and fortunately, Jack had put it on for him). They ordered pizza for dinner, got settled on the livingroom floor, and got started. 

 

Matt had never been this dedicated to wrapping presents in his life. He usually started early because he could only stand to do one or two at a time, but this year, he actually let Jack teach him some handy wrapping techniques. Jack wasn’t the neatest or most careful person in the world, but damn, he could wrap even the most awkwardly-shaped presents perfectly, like they’d come right out of Santa’s Grotto. 

 

They’d gotten through The Grinch, Elf, and were now halfway through Home Alone (because it would be abnormal if they didn’t watch it at _least_ ten times in December alone) before the ring was brought up. Matt had been avoiding the topic, mostly out of guilt. 

 

“They took the ring back no problem, by the way,” Jack announced, snipping pieces of tape with his red and green scissors. Special scissors just for Christmas wrapping. Really. “So that’s that taken care of.” 

 

But then Matt said something that surprised Jack. “It was a really beautiful ring that you picked, y’know.” 

 

Jack paused his movements for a moment, but didn’t look up. “Oh yeah…? Well. I did think about it for a long time. I started looking at rings back in October… we don’t have to talk about this, Matt.” 

 

“No, no, I know, I’m just saying. It was a beautiful ring. Did you… did you really think we were ready for marriage…?” 

 

This time, Jack did look up. He wasn’t quite sure how to read the conversation. “It’s okay if you don’t think so, Matt. This isn’t something we have to think about right now, remember? I just-- I just really love you. And I couldn’t think of anything better than proposing to the love of my life on my favourite holiday of the year. Y’know? But we’re okay. We talked about this. It’s okay, it’s a good idea to wait. I’m fine with it.” 

 

“I know you are, I guess it was just… on my mind,” Matt shrugged, smiling at Jack as reassuringly as he could. “I love you too.” 

 

Jack smiled back, relieved. “Okay. Let’s get back to wrapping, yeah?” 

 

Matt did just that, content to sit through the second Home Alone movie, then Love Actually, then The Nightmare Before Christmas. Not that he was actually paying attention to the television, though. His mind was somewhere else entirely.

 

XX.

 

Jack had been begging to go on an ice-skating date with Matt for weeks, so when his local rink offered him some ticket discounts for being such a loyal customer in terms of ice-hockey, they finally decided to do it -- and they invited John, Alex, and Grayson along for the ride. 

 

It was a little awkward at first. Matt hadn’t seen or spoken to Alex and John since before the engagement ring incident. It was both clear and understandable that they’d taken Jack’s side in the matter to support him, but Jack was very insistent that neither John or Alex hated Matt. 

 

That wasn’t really what Matt was worried about, though. John and Alex were two of his best friends; he didn’t think they’d hate him. He _did_ think they’d be pretty pissed with him, though, perhaps even now, after he and Jack had made up. Particularly Alex. John didn’t like conflict but Alex would probably kill to defend Jack. They’d known each other the longest and had this bond that neither John or Matt quite understood the depth of. Matt was actually surprised Alex hadn’t sought him out and murdered him for hurting his best friend. So, he figured it was pretty reasonable to think one or both of them might still be kinda mad. 

 

Only one way to find out, really. 

 

They met up at the ice rink, and John was perfectly pleasant to him. He hugged him and said it was good to have him back, and Matt took that as a good sign… Alex said hi but not much else, though. So maybe not. 

 

The first ten minutes actually on the ice were spent waiting for Jack, John, and Grayson to find their footing. None were particularly graceful. Matt was just used to it and Alex just had good balance. So the pair of them, unfortunately, ended up skating way ahead of the others at first. 

 

The silence was quite unbearable. 

 

“Alex… can we talk?” Matt eventually asked, and Alex nodded, like he knew it was coming. 

 

They came to a stop beside the barrier, both just watching the other three at the other end of the rink. Jack was getting the hang of it, holding Grayson’s hand as they skated cautiously in circles, whereas John was shuffling behind them at a snail’s pace with his butt sticking out mostly inelegantly. 

 

Alex shook his head, laughing, and turned to Matt. “So…” 

 

“I feel like you’re still pissed at me.” 

 

Alex, once again, seemed to know that was coming. “Yeah… well… I guess? I mean, it’s not that. Matt, dude, you know I love you. I love you both. But it feels like every two seconds this month, Jack’s texting me all upset about something you did or said… it’s never been like that. And don’t dare blame it on hating Christmas, because you’ve been together at Christmas in the past.” 

 

If Matt hadn’t felt sheepish and awkward before, he sure did now. “I know, I know. I think it’s just different because it’s our first holiday season living together… there’s kinks to straighten out. I feel terrible for running away from him but we’ve talked about that, we’re okay now. I feel so much clearer now, and looking back… I don’t know why I ran. I know I panicked, but… what did that solve?”

 

Alex simply nodded, touching Matt’s shoulder. 

 

“And, y’know, I’m trying really hard to get into the holiday spirit now,” Matt continued, fiddling with his coat zip. “If not just for Jack, then also for myself. So I’m not acting so glum all the time. I’m really not a big fan of the holidays, and Jack’s always known that, and I’ve always known that he ADORES this time of year. But it’s different now that we live together. Jack’s so full-on about everything Christmas-related and I’m not, so I know we’ve gotta find a middle ground. I don’t wanna be the downer in the relationship all the time.” 

 

“Man… I’m proud of you, Flyzik,” Alex beamed. “Look, I totally trust that you and Jack have sorted out your fight and everything. But that’s… yeah, I’m proud of you. You seem more relaxed, and I’ve never seen you relaxed so close to Christmas. This is good.” 

 

Matt laughed, knowing it was true. Putting his energy into being positive about it for Jack’s sake instead of simply his default bitter emotion seemed to be easing his holiday stress. He wasn’t sure if that would last, but for now, he was happy to just be happy. Jack and Grayson seemed to have found their confidence, skating faster around the rink. John had latched onto Grayson’s other hand, though Matt had a feeling it was mostly because even his son, a quarter of the height of him, had better balance on the ice and would probably prevent him from falling as much. Jack looked up and spotted Alex and Matt as the threesome whizzed past, waving at them excitedly. 

 

“Jack thinks the absolute world of you, Matt,” Alex commented. “You know that, right?” 

 

“I do know… yeah, I know he does,” Matt nodded. “I want to make sure he knows he’s my world too.” 

  
  


XXI.

 

Parties weren’t usually Matt’s thing, and hadn’t been since college. But as it happened, he had a bunch of friends and colleagues who rather enjoyed a party, so he found himself regularly invited to them. Some were fun. Others were not. Usually the parties in the ‘not’ category were, no surprise, Christmas parties. The music, the decor, the games… absolutely not Matt’s thing. 

 

But this year, when his colleagues invited him to a ‘school’s out’ party on the Wednesday night, last day of term, he actually found himself pretty excited about it. Mostly because Jack was his plus-one and Jack was _very_ excited to be attending a Christmas party. He shockingly hadn’t managed to get them invites to any this year, but Matt supposed they’d both been a little preoccupied. 

 

This would be a nice way to cut loose. Alcohol may have also been a large factor in Matt’s enthusiasm for the evening. 

 

Apparently, it was also Jack’s, because they’d been there not even two hours and Jack was extraordinarily drunk. Being that it was past ten at night, it was acceptable for him to be pretty drunk, but it was still very entertaining. 

 

Jack had left the house wearing what Matt thought was a very attractive red shirt, if he ignored the fact that Jack wore to look like, “either a Santa suit or Rudolph’s nose,” and his usual black skinny jeans. But after several glasses of wine, a couple of Jack Daniels, and possibly some shots, he’d unbuttoned a good handful of the buttons, and his hair was no longer in its perfectly imperfect messy style. It was just… messy. He’d also gone very red in the face to match his lovely red shirt, but in a cute way. Definitely a cute way. 

 

“Matty Mouse!” Jack shouted as he stumbled over to his boyfriend, almost spilling Matt’s beer when he reached him. 

 

“Woah, steady, steady,” Matt laughed, grabbing Jack’s arm. “You’re a little drunk, have you noticed? Walk slower.” 

 

“Yes but it’s Christmas and getting drunk is all part of the Christmas spirit,” Jack slurred, twirling in a circle and miraculously staying upright. “Now finish your beer, let’s do some shots together, we haven’t done shots together in for _forever_ , Matthew, _forever_.” 

 

“I’m gonna take my time with the beer, but don’t do any shots, Rian was saying they’re gonna do presents soon.” 

 

Jack’s eyes lit up as he grabbed Matt’s arm. “There’s presents?!” 

 

Matt laughed again, slightly taken aback. “Yes, I told you, they have a Santa sack of silly gifts, it’s basically a lucky dip. You just reach in and open whatever parcel you pull out.” 

 

He should’ve known, but Matt immediately regretted telling Jack, because he was a bundle of hyperactive drunken excitement after that. It took another twenty minutes before everyone was gathered to actually participate in the lucky dip, meaning it was twenty minutes of enduring Jack in the drunkest state Matt had seen him get to in maybe a year. And he most definitely ignored Matt’s request to not do any more shots -- he was spotted doing two more with Miss Jardine from the Photography & Film Studies department. 

 

Fortunately, though, he was pretty calm during the actual present opening, even when it got to his turn to pick out a gift. Matt thought it was a genius present to get, actually. It was a key finder. Or wallet finder, depending what he wanted to use it for. Jack was forever misplacing his keys and wallet and Matt always ended up on a panicked dash around the house looking for them to save him from being late for work. Hopefully this would mean the end of that. 

 

Matt’s gift, however, was entirely useless. 

 

It was quite clearly meant for new parents or parents-to-be, and Matt didn’t understand the stupidity of putting a gift like that in a lucky dip bag, especially because there was literally one pregnant teacher in the entire school -- Ms. Poxleitner (thought most of the kids just called her Lights, for reasons Matt was yet to learn) in the Art department was having her first baby, due in a couple of months time. And she wasn’t even here tonight. 

 

Nevertheless, he laughed along like everybody else. It was a ‘New Parent Survival Kit’ that came with tissues, a mini bottle of vodka, condoms, and a multitude of other things that Matt supposed he would be able to use, just not as a new parent. 

 

“Maybe you and Jack should think about adopting,” Rian grinned, giving Matt a nudge. 

 

Matt tittered nervously while everyone else laughed, not really making eye contact. But then it was the next person’s turn and he didn’t really need to worry about all eyes being on him any more. He turned to Jack to ask if he’d gotten his key finder out of the packaging yet to take a better look at it, but Jack was already getting up and leaving the room. Matt would’ve found this odd had Jack not been ridiculously drunk -- he was either on a quest for more alcohol or headed to the bathroom to piss out the amount he’d already consumed. 

 

It was only when they got home a few hours later that Matt realised, actually, he probably should’ve went after Jack and checked on him when he got up from the couch. 

 

Jack needed help to brush his teeth and get into a pair of pyjama pants because he definitely wasn’t co-ordinated enough to do it himself. Matt wasn’t exactly sober either by this point, but he was still able to function enough to get himself to bed. Jack just needed a little assistance. He was mostly talking a whole lot of nonsense but as Matt was helping him under the duvet, he started getting upset. Jack was not a tearful drunk so it was… alarming, to say the least. 

 

“Babe…?” Matt stroked his hair as Jack lay down, then his cheek. “What’s the matter?” 

 

Jack grabbed at Matt’s hand, taking a shaky breath as he did so. “Did Rian’s joke bother you? About your present?”

 

“I-- what do you mean?”

 

“When he said we should adopt. I know he was kidding but… did it bother you? Did it-- did you freak out? I-- I don’t want it to freak you out, I know I had that ring but I’m not expecting us to rush into parenthood or anything.” 

 

That wasn’t exactly what Matt had been expecting. Jack was openly crying now, clutching Matt’s hand like a comfort blanket. 

 

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t get all worked up--,” Matt tried to reassure him but Jack wasn’t done. 

 

“I love the idea of raising a fam-- a family with you, a-and growing old with you, I really want to do that, I know it all seems really grown-up and scary but I love you with my whole heart and I want all of that with you someday, Matthew, I do… I just don’t want you to get a little spooked by it and freak out again,” he sobbed. 

 

It made Matt’s heart sink. He didn’t want Jack to be scared he’d leave. That wasn’t going to happen. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Jack’s forehead and shushing him quietly until he calmed down. 

 

“Shh, love, shh. You need to go to sleep. We shouldn’t talk about this drunk, but I love the idea of having all of that with you too. Even if it’s scary.”

 

Jack sniffled, managing a smile. “Are you sure? What if you don’t want kids? I know you’re not really… you’re not very confident around them.” 

 

Matt just kissed Jack’s forehead again. It was true, Matt wasn’t confident around them. He struggled to relate to them and share their imaginative play the way Jack could, and he supposed that might always be a weak spot for him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be a good father someday. Jack was a natural, and Matt had a few things to learn. But he felt like that made them a good match. 

 

“We’re going to make wonderful parents someday. Emphasis on the ‘someday.’ Come on, snuggle in. I’m gonna go brush my teeth and then we can cuddle?” 

 

Drunk and exhausted, Jack seemed happy with that. But by the time Matt got into bed, Jack had already passed out. Probably for the best. He was lovely and warm though, so Matt cuddled into his back anyway, nuzzling between his shoulder blades. And all he could think about was how perfect it would be to do this every night for the rest of his life.

 

XXII.

 

“You don’t think he’s gonna be scared of Santa, do you?” John asked anxiously as they watched a toddler get dragged out of the ‘grotto’ screaming. 

 

Jack scoffed. “Don’t be silly! Santa’s every kid’s favourite person!” 

 

“Gee, thanks, and here I thought that maybe myself or John might be, since we’re his dads and all,” Alex rolled his eyes, adjusting Grayson’s beanie on his head. “You’re not scared to meet Santa, are you, Gray?”

 

The boy beamed up at his dad, absolutely radiating with glee. “No, Daddy, I love Santa!” 

 

“See? He’s fine,” Jack nodded. “Isn’t he, Matt?” 

 

Matt was staring at his phone, completely missing the entire conversation. It was weird because he’d been excited to  tag along with Alex and John on their trip to take Grayson to meet Santa for the first time at the mall -- but ever since they actually got to the mall, he’d been quiet and a bit distant. Jack hoped he wasn’t going all ‘bah humbug’ on them now. 

 

“Hey, Earth to Matthew,” Alex called, waving his hand in front of Matt’s face, making him almost drop his phone in the process. He fumbled with it, then locked it quickly and shoved it in his back pocket. “Oh, good, you’re going to be a participating member of the group now?” 

 

Matt blushed slightly, shaking his head. “Yeah, sorry, I was just checking to see if they had this last minute gift in stock for my mom… actually, do you think-- could I just run off to see if they have it in the store and get it now?” 

 

“What if you miss Grayson’s turn?” Jack pouted. 

 

“I won’t, I’ll be quick, don’t worry. I just don’t want it to sell out.” 

 

Alex nodded and Matt rushed off before Jack could even ask what this mystery last minute gift was. Even with Matt’s promise of only being gone a little while, he was missing for an hour, in which time the four of them got to the front of the line and finally met Santa. Despite Grayson’s excitement and Jack hyping him up all day about it, things did not go as planned. Or rather, they went exactly as John expected them to.

 

Matt showed up a few minutes after they had left the grotto. 

 

“You missed Grayson meeting Santa,” was the first thing out of Jack’s mouth. 

 

“You really didn’t miss much,” John interjected, clutching the screaming child in his arms.

 

Alex just rolled his eyes. “Can we get back to the car? Our child officially has Clausophobia and I can’t take the yelling any more. Did you get your mom’s gift?”

 

Matt stared at Alex for a second, looking blank before he suddenly clicked. “Oh! Yeah, no, yeah… uh, out of stock. Bummer. There was a really big queue and then an employee was checking in the stockroom for me for a while, but… yeah. Never mind.” 

 

Jack linked hands with Matt as they ventured back to the car, and Grayson’s crying slowly died down the further away they got from the grotto. He’d almost completely shut up, particularly with the promise of ice-cream after dinner if he behaved on the car ride home, when someone dressed as an elf ran past them in the parking lot. 

 

That was pretty much all it took for Grayson to go into another meltdown, convinced everyone in costumes was now the most terrifying thing he’d ever seen in his life. 

 

“See how he’s crying? That’s how I feel every year when you start asking to get the Christmas decorations down before December,” Matt pointed out, earning him a laugh and a shove from Jack. 

 

XXIII.

 

Usually the 23rd of December would be where Matt was freaking out, barely any presents bought, madly wrapping what he had bought, and generally feeling pissed off about everyone else being cheerful. 

 

But not this year. 

 

No, this time around, he actually had a very nice day with Jack. They spent the morning making sure everything that needed to be wrapped was wrapped, Christmas plans finalised… and then they went out on a date. By Jack’s request, it was very festive -- walking around the Christmas market, tasting gingerbread men, and going for dinner at a restaurant that apparently had a playlist of only Christmas songs. And Matt actually kind of loved it. 

 

Well. The playlist during dinner was pretty irritating, but apart from that, it was a really lovely day. Jack was pretty hungover which was another downside, but he was so happy and excited all day that it didn’t really matter much. 

 

It only hit him at bedtime once they were home how much his head was hurting. Fortunately, he’d taken a couple of painkillers and gotten himself cuddled up beside Matt in bed, and both of those things were a good cure for anything. 

 

“I had a really nice day today,” Jack smiled as they lay down together, the soft glow of their lamp softening all Matt’s features. “Thanks for doing all that. I know it’s not really your thing… to say the least.” 

 

Matt chuckled. “Actually, I really enjoyed myself. Genuinely. The market was really cool.”

 

“Shut up. Am I hearing this right? James Matthew Flyzik enjoyed something _Christmassy_? I’ve entered an alternate universe. I fell through some kinda portal last night when I was drunk. Or you’re an alien. Who are you?”

 

Matt laughed even harder, poking and tickling at Jack’s sides. “You shut up! I’m being serious, babe. I love you so much, y’know? I really do. I’m… I’m actually so happy we’re spending Christmas together in our home.” 

 

Jack stopped giggling and Matt stopped tickling, and for a moment they just looked at each other. Jack wasn’t sure he could even express in words how much he appreciated Matt making this kind of effort for him; for their relationship. 

 

So he decided not to use words. 

 

Gently, he pushed Matt to make him roll onto his back, and straddled his boyfriend once he did so. It only took Matt a second to react, scooting himself up so he could could sit with Jack in his lap, their lips entwined. The gentle rocking of Jack’s hips had Matt growing hard under him, and in turn, Jack too. 

 

“I love you,” Jack whispered into their kiss, back arching when Matt teased him through his boxers. “Merry Christmas, Matty.” 

 

Matt smiled, tongue grazing over Jack’s lower lip as his hand slipped inside his underwear. “Merry Christmas, Jack.” 

 

XXIV.

 

“Are you gonna tell me where we are now? ‘Cause I know we’re outside and I feel pretty ridiculous wearing this blindfold,” Jack complained, for possibly the millionth time in five minutes, made even more impressive by the fact Jack rarely complained on Christmas Eve. It was one of his favourite days of the year, behind Christmas Day and his birthday. “Are people staring at me? Can I take it off?”

 

“And here was me thinking you _liked_ surprises,” Matt rolled his eyes, still guiding Jack through the streets. 

 

They were in the center of the city, by the park. Not just any park, but the park that happened to be known for having the best Christmas lights display around, and it was no accident that that’s where they were after dark on Christmas Eve. 

 

“I do like surprises but I’ve had this blindfold on since we left the house,” Jack whined, stumbling slightly as he walked and clutching Matt tighter. “Where are we?!” 

 

“Alright, alright,” Matt allowed Jack to come to a stop, letting go of his hands. “You can take it off now.” 

 

Tearing off the blindfold, Jack was completely dazzled by what he saw. Literally and figuratively. They were stood right in the centre of the light display in his favourite park. There were so many twinkling lights of all colours, shapes, and sizes suspended around him… it was like fairies dancing on the air. There was a life-sized sleigh with reindeer made of lights, stars and snowflakes glinting, and it all made the real snow on the ground around them just gleam. 

 

It was just completely magical. 

 

Even Matt could admit that. Jack was totally awestruck, gazing at the thousands of lights with wonder, and that was exactly what he’d wanted. One thing he knew he could count on was Jack being completely mesmerised by the lights.  

 

“Matt… it’s so beautiful here!” Jack whispered, as if scared to talk any louder. “This is the best Christmas Eve ever.” 

 

Matt was praying that it might just get even better, that his nerves and the shaky, sick feeling in his stomach would pay off. He hated the uncertainty of it, but looking at Jack right then… Matt knew he was making the right move. He wanted this. 

 

Slowly, as Jack was looking away at another part of the light display, Matt dropped down to one knee. The snow was cold and it was going to soak through his pants in no time, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t even feel it with all the adrenaline rushing around his body. 

 

Noticing the movement out the corner of his eye, Jack turned back to Matt. And for a moment, he just stared. Several seconds went past before he found himself gasping, and even that seemed to be in slow motion. 

 

“Matt? What are you-- what are you--?” 

 

Grinning up at Jack, Matt shakily pulled a small box from his pocket, opening it up to reveal a beautiful ring. Silver, with a slim band of diamonds encircling it fully. It sparkled amazingly in the light. Jack couldn’t even speak, staring from Matt to the ring to Matt again. 

 

“Jack,” he started, his voice trembling in a way it rarely ever did. “We’ve had a pretty crazy month. Some fights, and some… pretty rocky moments. I know this might seem totally crazy, because just a little while ago, I ran away from you over the very idea of marriage. But even though that was only a short time ago, I feel as if I’ve had forever to think that over. In hindsight… I wish I’d just let you keep the ring and propose then and there when I found it. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone, and I when I think of where I want to be in ten years, twenty years, fifty years… I always picture you beside me. I don’t know what you had planned for your proposal, and I’d love nothing more for you to give me a ring and make a speech like this if that’s what you’d like to do. But I thought it was important that I make the official proposal, because… well, I’m the only thing holding us back. You make me a better man and I’ve realised that over and over again this December. So to make sure I always look forward to the Christmas season with you every year, I couldn’t imagine anything better than making it the time of year that I asked if you’d be mine forever. Will you marry me, Jack Barakat?” 

 

Crying did quite cover what Jack was doing by the end of Matt’s speech. He choked out a sob, only able to get his, “Yes,” out when Matt stood up and hugged him. 

 

Matt Flyzik rarely found himself weeping, but that’s exactly what he was doing as he slipped the ring on Jack’s finger. 

 

“I can’t believe this, I can’t believe how much I love you,” Jack said, wiping his own face and Matt’s with a tissue. Crying in cold air was pretty painful business. “You proposed to me here! On Christmas Eve!” 

 

Matt laughed through his tears, planting a kiss on the tip of Jack’s freezing nose. “Just for the record, I absolutely draw the line at a Christmas-themed wedding.”

 

“And I absolutely draw the line at a Disney-themed wedding.” 

 

“Touche.” 

 

❄ ❄ ❄ 

 

They opted not to tell their families right away. 

 

Instead, they went to see Alex and John. The plan was that they’d go there for dinner and join in on the fun of trying to get Grayson to bed at a decent hour, and help their friends make sure their son’s gifts were all ready for the morning. 

 

They kept Jack’s ring hidden throughout this, deciding to only tell Alex and John once Grayson was asleep. He was already hyper enough without hearing about a wedding (where he would inevitably be the ring bearer alongside Jack’s nephews) and a big party.

 

Grayson took Matt by the hand and asked for his help when it came to laying out treats for Santa and his reindeer, and Matt felt his happiness increase tenfold. For whatever reason, Grayson adored his Uncle Matt, even if Uncle Matt kind of sucked at playing games. But Matt knew enough to act eager and excited about Santa Claus coming, and Grayson even gave him a delighted hug. He even asked if Uncle Matt could read him his bedtime story. Jack could barely control his grin watching them interact. 

 

Something else he could barely control was the urge to show Alex and John his ring -- he still felt tearful just thinking about Matt’s proposal. But he managed to contain it until Matt came back from putting Gray to bed, at which point he grabbed Jack’s hand and blurted, “We’re engaged!” so suddenly that John and Alex weren’t even sure if they’d heard right. 

 

Jack pulling the ring out of his pocket and slipping it on his finger to show them seemed to help, though. Alex’s first reaction was to give both men the tightest of bear hugs, and John actually welled up, congratulating them about seventeen times before they had to leave later that night. 

 

It was really no question who they’d ask to be their best men. 

 

XXV. 

 

“So… are we taking bets on which of your family members are gonna cry when we tell them?” 

 

“Oh, definitely my mom,” Jack said, closing the car door and starting up the snowy pathway to his parents’ house, bags of gifts and food in hand, with Matt looking much the same. “Maybe my sister? Actually, definitely my sister. Probably because she already knows she’s gonna be maid of honour. Can we do that? Have best men and a maid of honour…? It’s totally happening.” 

 

“She’d totally fight us if we didn’t make it happen.” 

 

Matt put down one of his bags as they approached the front door, reaching out to open it, but Jack stopped him. 

 

“Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Let’s just… take a moment. It’s gonna be a madhouse in there.” 

 

Jack was right. He and Matt had spent a very pleasant Christmas morning together, soft and quiet in their own little bubble. They’d awoke early, but still stayed in bed another hour, sharing lazy kisses before they shared an equally lazy shower. Downstairs, they’d made French toast and hot chocolate, and put on Christmas movies while they traded gifts. 

 

It had been absolutely perfect, and Matt had smiled every time he caught sight of Jack’s ring, which was a lot, since he couldn’t stop looking at it in disbelief that Jack had said _yes_. 

 

They were about to enter a very busy household on Christmas Day, _and_ break some engagement news to Jack’s family. The quiet bubble was definitely going to burst.

 

“A madhouse, yes. But a really fun, loving, excited, supportive madhouse…? Also yes.” 

 

“I’m so proud of you, y’know,” Jack said. “For figuring out what you wanted, and for getting into the holiday spirit.” 

 

Matt laughed, eyeing a few snowflakes that were starting to drift down. “I still think it’s a fool’s holiday. But I wouldn’t want to spend it with anybody else.” 

 

Jack smiled. That was all he could really ask for, and luckily for him, he was going to get exactly that every year for the rest of his life. 

 

“Come on,” Matt said softly. “Let’s go inside, and break the news.” 

 

Nodding, Jack reached for the handle, his ring sparkling as he did so. They stepped inside the warmth of the bustling Barakat household, met with a chorus of festive greetings and hugs. It was a relief, in a way, to know that after today, Matt wouldn’t have to participate in the festive cheer for another year. It still wasn’t his favourite holiday, even if he’d found a way to enjoy it; he doubted it ever would be. This year, though, had been the most eventful countdown to Christmas that Matt had ever experienced. 

 

And call him crazy, but he wouldn’t change a thing about it. 


End file.
